Wednesday, April 30, 2008

It's all in the database

edit: a few pieces of LoonTrivia
™ arising from comments made underneath this post:

- Even though State-endorsed TV licence fee bounty hunters cannot enter your property, unless you invite them in, there is no conclusive evidence to establish if garlic, clear running water, wooden stakes or the Sun's rays are an effective deterrent

- but there's no harm in trying

- The State Propaganda Tax is not collected by the BBC or the State but by Capita Group; on the understanding that replacement or merger of large, bloated, inefficient publicly-owned monopolies with large, bloated, inefficient private monopolies is a Good Thing, and definitely not fascism

- Capita Group's turnover and profit have increased tenfold under the current Labour government

- The ex chairman of Capita is a heavy Labour party donour

- Capita is also responsible for the BBC's outsourced HR and Recruitment services

- Intriguingly, the voice artist used in the ad above, if not the very same person, is a dead ringer for the narrator used by the BBC's Conspiracy Files series. Her CV presumably lists 'creeping people out and leaving them with a vague sense of unease' as one of her major professional attributes. Presumably, she's also got more work than she handle

That's enough trivia for now. I have to write a cheque and pop my next month's council tax installment in the post to, well fuck me, Capita Group...



ziz said...

Supported of course by a pliant and compliant Press

Lancashire Telegraph 4th Feb 2008

MORE than 3,470 television licence cheats have been caught out in East Lancashire over the past year.

Some 1,182 were caught in Blackburn and 1,080 in Burnley during 2007.

The most cheats in a Lancashire town were found in Bolton which had 2,449. Then came Blackpool, Wigan and Preston.

TV Licensing bosses say a sophisticated database of over 29 million UK addresses allows it to see at the touch of a button which properties are unlicensed.

Last year, TV Licensing also introduced hi-tech handheld detectors, to use alongside its fleet of detector vans.

TV Licensing's success in catching evaders is helping to keep evasion levels at around five per cent nationally.

And householders who are caught watching television illegally are being warned they risk a £1,000 fine.

Charlotte Hancock, spokeswo-man for TV Licensing North, said: "While people are usually proud to see their town in a top ten, this is one league that no-one wants to top.

"The high number of licence fee dodgers caught in Blackburn is evidence of TV Licensing's success in enforcing the licence fee on behalf of the honest majority who pay.

"While TV Licensing is committed to catching evaders, we would much rather people buy a TV licence than risk prosecution, a trip to court and a fine of up to £1,000.

"With a UK estimated evasion rate of about five per cent, we are clearly making it harder for people to avoid paying their TV licence.

"We are committed to ensure that no-one is watching television illegally and that everyone is aware of the consequences of not being properly licensed.

"We offer a range of ways to pay, including monthly Direct Debit, and the option to spread the cost with weekly payments, so there really is no excuse for breaking the law and watching TV without a licence."

On average, about 1,000 TV licence fee evaders are caught every day across the country.

A colour TV licence costs £135.50 a year. A black and white TV licence costs £45.50.

For information on how to pay for your TV licence, visit or call 0844 800 6732.

Anonymous said...

Just a quick note to acknowledge one of the original conspiraloons: The Mogambo Guru.

Loon points - prose style; prose content; effective use of irony; overt loon personality; an original; loner.

Loon negatives - everybody gets it, now.

So, lets here it for the Mogambo Guru.

Anonymous said...

Despicable advert. Of course it's worth pointing out that the reason that the TV licensing shits resort to these nasty and sinister tactics is because they have absolutely no legal power at all. Tell them to go away and they have no recourse.

Anonymous said...

apparently,your tv arial acts as a small transmitter when it converts the signal it recieves from the local transmitting beacon into a frequency that the telly can display..the tv goons do have hand held equipment,but its way too crap to pinpoint a tv set.They are quite thin on the ground too.Quite expensive and too crap to issue in large numbers.the vast majority of dodgers they catch have their telly within eye/earshot of a street facing window or door.
They extort money from us,then sell the shit we paid for to america.Theres no way they can be critical of america,they would lose a lucrative market.They cant be critical of the vultures in charge of this country because its the government that enables their very existence,by forcing money out of our pockets under threat of large fines or imprisonment.
I hate the fee.Hate the beeb.Its nothing more than a propaganda tax,and I'm sick of paying for it and watching it.

Anonymous said...

A friend of mine was babysitting at another friend's house one day. TV licensing people knocked at the door and asked to see the TV licence. My friend explained that the homeowner was away. TV licence people went away. If they come knocking at my door one day I might say I am just babysitting (if I don't have a TV licence at the time).

Anonymous said...

Anon, you don;t have to say anything. They have no powers to enter your home and you are under no obligation to refuse them entry or provide a reason for doing so. They can not get a warrant on the basis of non cooperation.

The Antagonist said...

And that's just the State TV company demanding money with menaces for a TV license.

Imagine how cuddly and friendly the State sponsored terror database adverts will be....

If you want a sneak preview, listen to the adverts on talk radio aimed at BENEFIT THIEVES.

Surprisingly, these BENEFIT THIEF adverts don't mention the QUEEN, or her extended jug-eared family of SPONGERS, nor MPs screwing thousands out of the kitty buying furniture for their BONE IDLE family members who are also on the payroll for doing fuck all.

Stef said...

...and not forgetting the £100,000,000,000+ in corporate welfare handed over to the banks in the last few months

that's some serious benefit fraud

Stef said...


'If you see it report it'

Stef said...

re. Mogambo Guru

The upshot of asking lying, greedy bankers (the villains of history) to tell the truth and let everyone know what disreputable, untrustworthy scum they are has now proved to be an unreliable system of self-regulation, and thus the Libor rate may be understated because the rate is based on self-reports of people who are bankers, which means that they are lying scumbags who falsely report that their short-term borrowing costs are lower than they are, because they know it looks bad that they are getting charged a high interest rate, which proves that the people who are loaning the money to them know what kind of lying, scumbag bankers (as redundant as that is) they are.

= instant Conspiraloon Hero, First Class

Anonymous said...

According to thicky-pedia (purposely not linked), Mogambo is swahili for 'big gorilla' ... surely more loon points?!