Thursday, January 31, 2008

Now that's what I call firepower

I've just been reading a post over at Lord Patel's blog about the latest big orders being placed for heavy ordnance which will be used to bomb the lucky people of Iraq/ Afghanistan to a Better Way of Life

I was half tempted to leave a comment with a link to something I saw on Youtube the other day but thought better of contributing something that could be interpreted as trivialising a serious issue

No such scruples with my own blog though

The Disintegrator...

I think the film-maker has captured the fetishistic aspects of Gun Love beautifully

and if he (it has to be a he) isn't a big Predator fan I'll eat my Jesse Ventura action doll

Bill Duke - one of the few stars of Predator who didn't go on to become a US State Governor - which illustrates something significant about either the US political system or the casting criteria of 1980s sci-fi action movies

and The Disintegrator is sort of funny because it's non-lethal

Just like tasers


Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Mainstream Conspiraloons™ #137 - Robert Peston

A little nugget published in the Telegraph a few days ago (found via cmain's blog) written by the BBC's business editor Robert Peston...

Don't let the fact that Peston looks, sounds, acts and smells like a spook fool you. This man is capable of producing 24 carat, 100% pure LoonTalk™. As the intro to the piece promises...

"In an extract from his provocative book Who Runs Britain?, Robert Peston looks at the roots of the current financial crisis and blames a political pact with the super-rich for impoverishing the rest of us"

Robert Peston

and Robert doesn't disappoint...

"The triumph of the super-rich has been the most striking social phenomenon of the New Labour years. The presence on British soil of a disproportionate number of immensely wealthy people, who are becoming wealthier by the minute, has been encouraged by Tony Blair and Gordon Brown. On their watch, thanks to benign tax rules, Britain has become a billionaire's paradise. In a whole range of businesses and industries, the talent of individuals is rewarded in tens of million of pounds, while the relatively poor are getting poorer."


"To appreciate the growing gap between the very rich and the rest, you have only to look at the ratio of bosses' pay to that of employees in general. An annual review by Income Data Services showed that the median total earnings of the chief executives of the FTSE 100 companies - the UK's 100 largest quoted companies - in the financial year 2005/06 was £2m, up 20pc on the previous year.

By contrast, the gross median pay for full-time British employees in April 2006 was £23,600, up a mere 3pc on the previous year. So the typical FTSE 100 boss earned 75.2 times what the typical employee was paid - and just one year's pay rise for that typical boss was £400,000, equivalent to 17 times the total pay of the typical employee."

Read on and enjoy, and maybe take a few seconds to ponder what circumstances could possibly lead to the State Broadcasting Company's most senior business journalist putting stuff like this out via the Torygraph of all papers


Monday, January 28, 2008

Announcing the Conspiraloon™ One True Antichrist™ of the Year™ awards 2008


Just a reminder that the deadline for nominations for this year's Conspiraloon One True Antichrist™ of the Year contest closes on 31st of this month

Please send your nominations, along with supporting calculations and the all-important £100 (cash only) administration fee, to the usual PO Box

Please also remember that incomplete applications, i.e. any which fail to include...

  • reference to at least one Biblical prophecy
  • at least one astrological chart
  • an annotated sketch which proves that your nominee's earthly kingdom has been announced by way of coded symbolism hidden in the retail packaging of at least one popular household product
  • a numerological connection between some variation of the nominee's name and The Mark of the Beast (no less than two A4 pages long, please!!)
  • a photograph of an exploding star

...will be rejected automatically

For anyone who hasn't prepared an application before here's an example of how it's done -

Is the Antichrist Russian President Putin?


edit: the competition is starting to heat up!!


Sunday, January 27, 2008

What are They teaching our children?!!

I've just returned from a pleasant few hours strolling around Birmingham's excellent botanical gardens

And, I have to say, I approve heartily of their latest feature attraction...

Mount Growmore, Birmingham

However, I did find the contents of the gift shop most disturbing - particularly given the large number of Muslims living in the West Midlands who are just teetering of the brink (sic.) of extreme radicalisation and the proven (sic.) links between domestic terrorism and the drugs trade...

and the piece de resistance...

Someone's having a laugh, surely?


The Chuckle Brothers and the Temple of Doom

This one's for the understandably anonymous Chuckle Brothers fan(s) who commented on a previous post which featured a Youtube clip of a dubbed Adolf Hitler planning the McCann's media campaign, comparing his media team's performance to the legendary comedy act...

Here's a flier I picked up on my travels this weekend...

Book early to avoid disappointment

edit: OK, that anonymous crack was uncalled for


Friday, January 25, 2008

Return of the Lone Trader

Things ain't what they used to be for Lone Gunmen

The political murder business is now a lot more competitive than back in the '60s

Suicide bombers deliver more dramatic, television-friendly results and, more importantly, there's no need to find another Lone Gunman to shoot the first Lone Gunman

...and then another Lone Gunman to shoot the second Lone Gunman

etc etc

Fortunately, there are still plenty of opportunities for the young lone nut about town in the dynamic and exciting world of derivatives trading...


Hmmm, hang on a minute! No! It couldn't be... ?!


Thursday, January 24, 2008

You know when you've been Tangoed

So, Peter Hain has finally come a cropper for being (allegedly) a corrupt fucker

Whoopee feckin do

Peter Hain

Nasty Orangey Thing

For a while towards the end of last year there was just the slightest possibility that people's attention would focus not on corrupt, and essentially expendable, politicians but the people and interests who do the corrupting

Well, it was only a
slight possibility

So, instead, let's just sit back and watch the journo-political whores employed to fob us all off with bullcrap get stuck into some good old-fashioned 'Left' vs 'Right', false choice party politics whilst the serious business of running the country for the benefit of the deserving few carries on as usual


And I wouldn't trust the supposedly anti-establishment bloggers who spearheaded the controlled demolition of Peter Hain for a second - they're very careful about what they say, and what they allow commentators to say, and are clearly aware that they can only go so far...


Charlie Wilson's War - 97 minutes of cinematic poon

Charlie's War ... "Our only mistake was that we didn't interfere in Afghanistan enough!!"

Thanks to anon for 'nominating' me to take up Craig Murray's offer of free belly dancing tickets for bloggers (life is indeed stranger than fiction). Unfortunately, I'm all tied up with less intriguing commitments and will have to pass on trying to cadge some seats from Craig (thanks to anon for thinking of me though)

Which is a genuine shame as, having just seen the appalling Charlie Wilson's War, it is clear than an appreciation of belly dancing can stand one in good stead in the world of covert operations

Charlie Wilson's War, the answer to the question...

"Is it possible to make a major motion picture about CIA involvement in Afghanistan in the 1980s without mentioning the opium trade?"

You betcha


A bad Day for Team McCann

Potentially funny if you have...

a) been following the McCann story


b) don't speak German

"OK .... everyone out except for Branson,"

and if you have been following the McCann story on-line you cannot help but have noticed what was going on over at the Daily Mirror forums. The Mirror site included a series of threads on the McCanns which morphed into a seething of hotbed of paranoia and theorising which frequently threw up some genuine nuggets of subversive information about how the mainstream media are managed and the many curious connections between politicians and professonal media-manipulators

The fact that a mainstream newspaper allowed these threads to continue was itself a cause for a whole clutch of theories - many of which focused on the possibility that some harvesting of the personal details of the participants was taking place

Conspiraloons and shills slugged it out on those threads for month after month, until a few days ago when the Mirror finally memory-holed the McCann threads.

As this happened shortly after
Clarence Mitchell identified Frank Zappa as a possible abduction suspect and contributors to the threads had started making personal connections between the person who claims to have seen Zappa and the McCanns it is possible that there is some causal relationship

Anyway, attempts to resurrect the insane magic that was the
Mirror McCann forum are underway here and here - the second seems to be the more successful so far (thx to C. for the links)


Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Space Argument

The best argument I've seen in favour of music piracy all week...


It's Official - Global Economy is run by Fucknuts

The lovely new, and intrinsically worthless, £20 note - nothing peculiar to see here, please move on...

Things have reached a very sad state of affairs indeed when the most accurate and perceptive commentary on the financial turmoil of the last few days you can find comes from a satirical online newspaper which talks about stimulating the world economy by giving everyone a puppy...


...Wayne Hayes, an analyst at Conceptomatix, welcomed the move to a spaniel-based economy, adding that the breed was one of the biggest single generators of additional spending, more costly even than a fat child...

Meanwhile, Fed chairman Ben Bernanke urged people 'to just buy shit and worry about it later'...

He said: "The world has been brought to the brink of depression by a ridiculous consumer spending spree fuelled by cheap credit and home makeover shows. So let's keep it going."

Bernanke said the only way to prevent the current unsustainable consumer bubble from bursting was by slashing interest rates and creating another even bigger one for someone else to worry about after he had moved to Goldman Sachs...

alternatively you could turn to the (allegedly) less satirical mainstream press and plow through acres of print filled with crap like this...

"It's not absolutely certain that we've bottomed. For the next two days I don't think we'll see as much severe selling as we've seen, so perhaps we will stabilise. I'm leaning more towards there being a rally over the next week, and if not a rally then at least some choppy trading, not more severe selling. After that it's very murky and depends on what the Fed decides."

... and become slightly older, but no wiser

Now that we have the Internet it would be a relatively straightforward exercise to do a series of Google searches for terms like 'soft landing' and bullish projections made for housing and stock markets in the mainstream media over the last few years and sentence all those fools and liars who have helped bullshit our world to the brink of economic collapse to ten years in some Chinese sweatshop assembling ipods

one can but dream...

not entirely relevant - but fellow Conspiraloons will appreciate why the caption tickles me


Tuesday, January 22, 2008

We have clearance, Clarence. Roger, Roger,

Someone has just, very politely, pulled me up for - or rather questioned why I have recently slapped up three posts about this bloke...

Hmmm, where do you start?

Putting it as briefly as possible for anyone bumping into this blog from outside of the UK who doesn't know what is going on...

1. Back in May 2007 a young girl called Madeline McCann was reported as being abducted whilst on holiday in Portugal with her parents

2. The subsequent behaviour of her parents, the compliant and uncritical mainstream media, politicians and other high profile public figures was, on a suspiciousness scale of 1 to 10, a solid 11.

At least some of the people supporting the McCanns in heated on-line discussions about the case behaved suspiciously like paid shills and the balance of public opinion as reported in the media - on and off line - did not seem to match with what many people were saying to each other face to face. In short, there was a distinct
possibility that someone was astro-turfing for the McCanns

3. Many people, myself included, were particularly intrigued by the fact that the guy running the government 'Media Monitoring Unit', Clarence Mitchell, was seconded to assist the McCanns at an early stage. Given that Clarence's area of expertise is media management and not the intricacies of an abduction investigation or Portugese jurisprudence, this seemed peculiar indeed. He subsequently quit his post (sic.) and is now working for the McCanns full-time (?!)

"It was extraordinary how, last week, his intervention seemed to eliminate within hours any misgiving about the McCanns in the British media."

4. A few days ago, Clarence held a press conference where he produced a sketch and a description of someone he claims may have been involved with Madeleine's abduction. Given that this press conference did not include the police officers carrying out the investigation and that the sketch itself is so cliched and so generically 'evil', quite a few of us in cyberworld coughed out 'bullshit!' ... unlike the mainstream press which continues to play ball

I don't pretend for a second to understand what really is going on. Trying to figure that out and whether the McCanns were involved in the disappearance or not has become something of a national passtime here in the UK.

What I am certain of is that a whole legion of shady fuckers has been involved in the 'management' of this story over the months and that objectives other than finding a lost little girl have been actively pursued; with some interesting demonstrations of mass psychological manipulation along the way

or, as another blogger wrote recently...

"I have occasionally been asked if I think the whole Madeleine McCann thing has been an elborately staged hoax. Let's put it this way - if Pope Benedict XVI was to produce Madeleine from a frozen Plexiglas case suspended 30 feet above Times Square on Christmas morning with a pair of shackles in one hand and a handful of sand in the other, I wouldn't be at all surprised."

For my American chums - imagine the JonBenet Ramsay media circus, but with the added possibility that the US government was involved in interfering with the outcome of the investigation somehow


and in answer to a couple of comments about my recent output spike - most of the pictures of McCann suspect look-alikes I have posted here, subsequent to that farcical press conference, either arrived via my inbox or were shamelessly ripped off from another place, so I haven't spent much time on this at all

and here's another....

and, on top of that, it's amazing how much time you can free up if you don't watch fucking television

For some people Life is almost too mysterious, too precious and too short to bear - for everyone else there's this shite...

...and when it's pissing down outside :


Philosophical Question of the Week

Is it sadder to blog?

or to cruise the Internet leaving anonymous comments telling bloggers how sad they are?

The second passtime might initially appear to be significantly sadder but, on the plus side, it is potentially less time-consuming

hmmm, tough call...


Monday, January 21, 2008

Remind you of anyone? Will it ever end?




etc etc


Go Navy

A little bit of fun from the Royal Navy...

If you've got a short email or SMS to send to someone the MoD will send it for you from a Royal Navy domain via this site...

though, be warned, rumour has it that the obscenity filter on that service is not as robust or effective as it might be

You do of course have to register some personal information about yourself and the recipient of your message but the Senior Service does promise on the disclaimer page...

"The Royal Navy will not pass on your details on to any other organisation"

Well, that's reassuring


Remind you of anyone? redux






etc etc


A little something for the Gold Bugs

the Bank of England - still out-printing the ECB by a comfortable margin...

A little specialist something for fellow Conspiraloons who take an interest in what's happening to the world's paper money supply but who, unlike me, think that reverting to gold-backed money will somehow stop The Bankers and their thieving little ways (wholesale theft from the masses through inflation and excess credit) in their tracks...

A recent podcast from the Council on Foreign Relations website talking up gold-backed currency -

When a supremely shady organisation like the
CFR starts boosting gold-backed money there just has to be a catch


Remind you of anyone?






etc etc


Stef's Fine Licquer of the Week - Latte di Suocera

Posted in response to a couple of tales of people drinking straight meths/eth, left underneath my last post

One of Italy's best kept and most sophisticated beverage secrets...

literally translated - '
Milk of Mother in Law'

best serve diluted with overproof rum or neat anti-freeze

There's not much background info on LDS on the web except for a couple of short, incoherent Youtube videos presumably made whilst under its influence...

'Latte di Suocera - 75° of pure enjoyment'

'how to drink latte di suocera'

Anyone interested in importing this quality tipple on a wholesale basis (full or pocket sized editions) can apply here


edit: and if LDS doesn't seem scary enough to present much of a challenge (but it is), well, there's always Cynar - packed full of that great fermented artichoke taste that everyone loves...

'is there a bathroom on this boat?'


Friday, January 18, 2008

The Great Firewall of Britannia

Sometime towards the back end of last week I started to become aware that stories were popping up in the mainstream media which seemed to be paving the way for a couple of agendas which many of us have long-suspected our Establishment has on its ‘War on Terror’ todo list…

  • Implementation of censorship of Internet sites that the Establishment deems to be unsuitable

(as well as a whole load of
CyberTerror!! stories there has also been a spike in Internet Kiddie Fiddler stories at the same time which I haven’t bothered to post about)

My suspicion that we were witnessing a co-ordinated campaign has become a certainty in the wake of the bullcrap that
Newsnight put out this week in advance of the Home Secretary’s speech yesterday announcing a crackdown on CyberTerror!!

"The internet is a key tool for the propagandists for violent extremism... Let me be clear. The internet is not a no-go area for Government. We are already working closely with the communications industry to take action against paedophiles... we should also take action against those who groom vulnerable people for the purposes of violent extremism... I will be talking to industry... about how best to do this. Where there is illegal material on the net, I want it removed."

Unsurprisingly this hasn’t gone down well in Cyberspace and I recommend these articles AND the readers’ comments…

and whilst I personally disagree that ‘blowback’ is the major reason for the alleged upsurge in domestic terrorism, this comment hits the nail on the head when it comes to the effectiveness of using new laws to combat crime…

"Quite why they think the internet is to blame when it is THEIR OWN ACTIONS that has caused offence to muslims.

The making of bombs has been the main point of interest in anyone studying chemistry at GCSE level. Oh, and the making of smells too.

As an example, guns are used to commit crimes, so, lets ban all guns and then we wont have gun crime. It is sad for those who like shooting as a sport, but it is a small price for them to pay so we can walk the streets safely. Did gun crime cease to exist? No. Why not? Because the criminals got their guns illegally and they just don't give a toss for the law. Lock them up! Well, if only we could catch one, we might.

A point here, most criminals are happily shooting each other in turf wars. It is rare for a member of the public to be shot.
A bit more freedom taken away, with an ever so good excuse, to stop terrorism. It would be easier to stop terrorism if you stopped bombing their countries.

We had the IRA doing serious damage for 35 years, well several hundred really. Now, we have to go around like some frightened rabbit because of some Saudi looney living in a cave in Afghanifuckinstan.

Give it a rest.

I am more scared of Harriet Harman."


The sad part is that things that are as clear as day to Conspiraloons – the existence of a deliberate plan to increase the powers of the State (and hence the elites who really control that State) over the individual and the coordinated use of the mainstream media to soften people up for those changes – are not yet clear to the majority

Even those members of the majority who have the common sense to realise that what is going on is disgraceful prefer to believe that the people making these changes are bumbling, reactive fools who are doing what they are doing essentially by accident

That’s not to say that the puppets who are nominally in charge aren’t bumbling, reactive, and corrupt, fools but the people pulling their strings certainly aren’t.

Psychotic, yes, bumbling, no.