Sunday, April 27, 2008

10 Characteristics of Coincidence Theorists

Still a rough draft at this stage...

1. They believe everything happens by accident
2. They believe everything happens by accident
3. They believe everything happens by accident



4. They believe everything happens by accident
5. They believe everything happens by accident
6. They believe everything happens by accident



7. They believe everything happens by accident
8. They believe everything happens by accident
9. They believe everything happens by accident

Afghan Opium Cultivation '94-'08 (hectares)


10. They believe everything happens by accident, except when it's wogs doing it


International Global Terror Conspiracy Centrale - Iocated somewhere between Mordor and Earthsea


Which I admit isn't strictly fair. Sometimes coincidence theorists believe that when bad people lie so that they can do bad things and bad things do indeed happen those bad things were unintended consequences



.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Stef, I think you should this to your list -
http://business.timesonline.co.uk/tol/business/specials/rich_list/article3822711.ece

Not a coincidence.

Stef said...

yup, definitely accidental - no shady, conspiratorial criminal bastards in that list

Stef said...

of course, the sums of money involved in rigging the financial system, starting wars, operating the drugs trade and facilitating the 'piratization' of the essentials of Life are so trivial that there are absolutely no incentives or resources available to do anything but act completely in the open and publish the details of everything you're up in the newspapers that you own

and anyone who believes otherwise needs to be medicated

Stef said...

on the subject of medication...

looking at the graphs I stuck into that post it did just strike me that people could switch to eating opium rather than rice or wheat

but, on reflection, it's probable that I'm not first person to come up with this idea

Anonymous said...

"the sums of money involved in rigging the financial system, starting wars, operating the drugs trade and facilitating the 'piratization' of the essentials of Life are so trivial" ... but the return is huge. Blair has been shortchanged: the Iraq war has facilitated and is facilitating the transfer of USD 8 billion per month for the war effort from the US taxpayer / US dollar holder to the industrial war machine. How else could this have been achieved but for a bogus war to which Blair played a vital role. His lecturing fees, bank consultancy fees, even of GB 0.5 million per annum are pitifully small compared to what he has managed to loot on behalf of others.

Blairwitch Blockleiter said...

^ But that's just an unfortunate mishap that occurred by accident and because Blair and his cronies are just a little bit silly and incompetent and never realised that that is how it would work out.

paul said...

Possible additions to the list:
Everything is accidentally exactly as it should be
Everything is inevitable
(which might not sit well with all those accidents, but we should not get bogged down with thorny issues of consistency)

Stef said...

anon 16.44's comment appears to be the filling in a classic Conspiraloon irony sandwich

apologies for any confusion caused

unless anon was the one being ironic and the other comments were straight - in which case I'm confused

Anonymous said...

16:44 - I just wanted to get across the point that the cost of the war to the US dollar holders/taxpayers was USD 8 billion / month and that I doubt it could be extracted any other way. (Imagine, hey chaps, lets cure cancer, it will only cost USD 8 billion a month. Anyone up for it? Yeah, right).

Stef said...

understood

as it happens I can think of other ways - flooding a country with cheap hard drugs, stealing peoples' water or doubling the amount of paper money in circulation every few years are also excellent wealth-transferral mechanisms but I like to see them as a compliment to naked war mongering, not a substitute

Stef said...

... though I have to admit corruption of politicians and political parties is a very cost effective technique.

You can own the entire fucking Labour or Conservative party for 30 million quid, a few hand jobs and a couple of polaroids

a bargain

jon doy said...

don't forget the Liberal common purpose Democrats and the Green war on breathing Party - probably only a few mill for the pair

ooh, word verification elvinmgm - which reminds me i must go look up Liv Tyler films made by the MGM studios for some reason i can't immediately think of