Muslims? They're gagging for it

I’ve decided to delay writing the next part of what is turning into a bit of a thesis to post up something a little snappier and more, um, immediate.

I’ve been reading blogs written by British Asians over the last few days and am a little disappointed by the quality of the racism in some of the comments people are leaving anonymously. Admitedly, the comments are abusive enough and frequently ignorant enough but they are conspicuously lacking in originality.

There’s far too much emphasis on the fact that all Muslims are fundamentalist scum who, even when they’re not actively supporting terrorism, condone terrorism by harbouring homocidal psychopaths in their communities. Occasionally, some commentators also remember to throw in the fact that most Muslims are foreigners who smell, but even that observation is getting a bit tired.

Come on guys! There are loads more reasons to hate Muslims than that.

Just to get the ball rolling, I’ve decided to put together a quick list, in the time it takes my Saturday evening potatoes to roast, of fun alternative reasons to hate Muslims . Here goes, just pick the nearest demographic that best describes you and fire away …

Liberals – Why not try despising Muslims for believing in God, maintaining traditional gender roles and their disapproval of homosexuality? After all, we should all be inclusive, except when dealing with people whose beliefs we disagree with.

Capitalists – Why not dislike Muslims for their faith-based concerns over consumerism and Western style business practices? For Christ’s sake, they even think charging excessive interest to be sinful. Where would we all be without the freedom to max out on our credit cards, buying shoddy goods manufactured by child labour that leave us feeling all empty inside five seconds after we’ve bought them? What would happen to tranquiliser sales? Besides, now that the Commies have gone, who else are we going to drop all those expensive bombs on? There’s always the Chinese I suppose, maybe we’ll get round to them later.

Christians – These guys killed Baby Jesus and they’ve got to pay. Hang on, it was the other lot wasn’t it? No matter, Muslims would have done it if they were around at the time

Jews – Come on, after 2,000 years of persecution don’t you guys deserve a break?

Zionists – er, Palestine…

Aryan Nationalists – For a rereshing change from Blacks, Jews and Catholics, why not try blaming Muslims for eroding your own culture and simultaneously stealing your welfare money and your jobs? Much more fun than concentrating on those whiter, richer people who are really selling you out isn't it? Ah, the fine art of misdirection. The old ways are the best ways after all.

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OK, that homicidal terrorism is some serious shit, but those Muslims have got to work out a lot more issues than just that before we can think about inviting them round for a barbecue and a brew. The sooner they embrace our ways and become fully Westernised, atheistic, pill-popping, debt junkies who’d sell their own grandmothers, or heritage, for a Big Mac the better.

In the meantime, fuck 'em.