Manhunters

The Scene: A top floor office in New Scotland Yard. Crack FBI psychological profiler Will Graham is briefing Metropolitan Police Commissioner Sir Ian Blair and Deputy Assistant Commissioner Peter Clarke on the characteristics of a typical terrorist. In the background a soft rock guitar solo slowly builds to a crescendo as they speak…

Graham: The guy’s going to need transport so he’ll probably have access to a motor vehicle or even… a bus pass

Clarke: Go on. You're getting the old scent back aren't you Will

Graham: … and some travel luggage

Blair: Uncanny, is this how you caught Hannibal Lector?

Graham: He’s also going to want to carry out preliminary reconnaissance and communicate with other terrorists. So he’ll be carrying a digital camera and a cell phone, maybe even… a camera phone

Blair: This is amazing. It’s almost as if you know him personally

Graham: Wait! I haven’t finished yet. He’s also going to have an Internet connection

The backing music is so loud now they’re having to shout at each other

Clarke: Great. We’ll start monitoring and arresting everyone who fits the profile. That’s the last thing the terrorists would want

Graham: And just one more thing…

Clarke: Yes?

Graham: He’s a brown c^nt with a beard

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