Sunday, July 22, 2007

Euphemisms 2

"Er, we've come on holiday by mistake"

Just in case anyone needs a translation from Parliamentary Committee speak into plain English...

When a parliamentary committee says...

"We conclude that there is evidence to suggest that the map of the Shatt al-Arab waterway provided by the government was less clear than it ought to have been"

what it is actually saying is that the government was

"lying through its fucking teeth"

when it published the map, claiming it was definitive

HMS Cornwall

Detail from the infamous Piri Reis map compiled in 1513. Scholars are strongly divided as to whether it does depict an ice-free Antarctica or not but one thing is for sure - it's coverage of the Shatt al-Arab is just as accurate as anything published by the Ministry of Defence

(See also The Tale of Iran Air Flight 655 or 'How to steam into Iranian waters, claim that you are still in international waters, shoot down a civilian airliner carrying 290 people as part of a campaign of violent intimidation in support of Saddam Hussein and then sail back home in time for tea and medals')

The USN Commendation Medal - as awarded to serving US Navy personnel for the 'heroic achievement' of shooting down 747s filled with children



lwtc247 said...

What a banana skin government we have!
Bloody banana skins everywhere!
Bananas bananas bananas.

The country is run by bananas using banana policy in the pretence it is for the benefit of the banana citizens.

complete and utter bananas!

The Antagonist said...

Have you seen the latest bullshit doing the rounds among the mindless blog-button drone types?

The 'anti-war' 'left' (note the use of quotes around both words), who apparently opposed the illegal invasion and occupation of Iraq and the subsequent murder of a million Iraqi civilians, and who have been bleating on for four years about the ills of the 'war' and how such 'war' would bring terrorism home to the UK in retalliation for such Imperialist displays of might, now want to harbour in the UK all the Iraqi terrorists and war criminals who assisted the coalition of the killing in an illegal invasion and occupation.

Cock-up? Conspiracy? Or is the UK blogging community really a bunch of mindless dolts who like to think they are in some way 'radical' but who haven't been blessed with the ability to think at all?

Stef said...


I honestly don't know enough about the kind of people who were acting as 'translators' for the British Army to pass judgment on them but echoes of US marines kicking Vietnamese off the skids of the last Hueys out of Saigon come to mind. Those guys thought they'd be looked after too

Big mistake

As a general rule of thumb, the real bastards never put themselves in harms' way. Whatever their motivations for working with the occupying armies, good or bad, those 'translators' are just pawns and pawns get sacrificed

As far as another blog campaign is concerned, fuck it, that particular crowd have made it abundantly clear that they are intolerant of other people's points of view and enjoy chucking orders around. Not my cup of tea at all. Not one little bit

paul said...

Agree with stef, when the four horseman all come round at once, the possibilities for bringing out the best in people are rather circumscribed.
As for the idea itself, its so mind bendingly wrong, I really don't don't know where to start. I see the e petition has all the usual smugglers, but they've got a bit to do to catch up with this one or even this or this.
All that love out there and the government just ignores it.

Stef said...

Interesting wording on that petition...

We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to offer asylum in the UK to the Iraqis who have been working as translators and in other capacities for the UK armed forces

So, does that mean that Iraqis who have served as 'translators' for the UK's share of the 180,000+ mercenaries, sorry, civilian contractors employed by coalition governments are included or excluded?

And what range of occupations would be encompassed by the expression 'and in other capacities'?

And what about people targeted by death squads for reasons other than working for the occupiers? Why not include them?

As you so eloquently put it Paul when you're complicit in fucking a whole country up (less eloquent) how do you go about making sense of selecting certain people for salvation?

paul said...

Its all a bit:

'E carried me away
To where a dooli lay,
An' a bullet come an' drilled the beggar clean.
'E put me safe inside,
An' just before 'e died,
"I 'ope you liked your drink", sez Gunga Din.
So I'll meet 'im later on
At the place where 'e is gone --
Where it's always double drill and no canteen;
'E'll be squattin' on the coals
Givin' drink to poor damned souls,
An' I'll get a swig in hell from Gunga Din!
Yes, Din! Din! Din!
You Lazarushian-leather Gunga Din!
Though I've belted you and flayed you,
By the livin' Gawd that made you,
You're a better man than I am, Gunga Din!

Anonymous said...

The petition is calling for sanctuary to be given to all those collaborators and Quislings that worked hand in hand with the occupiers. Let them stay in Iraq and face justice.

paul said...

Quislings,collaborators,family men, the destitute,insurgents,resistance?
Who the fuck knows what we would do in the hell on earth that is iraq?

As for being 'shamed' by the noble danes, they are pulling out their forces, which is the lesson we should be taking, not their decision over their employees.

paul said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Stef said...

Neglecting translators and other allies Vietnam style ...

The Antagonist said...

Re: Translators

PDF said it best:

"The French Resistance in WWII, which is the most widely accepted definition of a ‘legitimate’ resistance movement, regularly engaged in suicide missions against – and killed plenty of – German soldiers. French people who worked with the Germans were widely described as – and killed for being – collaborators.

Uncontroversially, the people in Iraq who blow up civilians in market squares are scumbags. But the people who murder occupying soldiers and who murder Iraqis who side with the occupying army are doing what a resistance does, whether we’d like to call them one or not.
Finally: if Britain were occupied by a foreign army who refused to leave despite public opinion – even if the original invasion had been intended for our benefit but heinously failed – would you be willing to join the resistance and kill occupying soldiers? I’d like to think I’d be brave enough to do so."

The Antagonist said...

As a postscript, the invasion of Britain hasn't been quite as barbaric as the one in Iraq owing to the fact that the cultural imperialism tactic is working rather well.

John Bolton is adviser in chief to Newsnight, no news story passes without comment from an American, and strategically placed American 'businessmen' have a hand in running everything elese, a policy which has allowed ex-assistants to the director of the CIA and gangs of their henchmen to be in charge of London Transport, during whose tenure a series of explosions occurred.