Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Predator to stand for President?

The current Governor of California, a former Governor of Minnesota and an attempted Governor of Kentucky
Tony Blair gave his annual speech to the Labour Party Conference today. I didn't watch it because 'My Darling Clemantine' was on another channel. I make it one of my life's guiding principles never to miss any film starring Victor Mature, particularly when he's playing Doc Holliday. As a trivial aside, Doc Holliday was a dentist not a doctor, and a capable if psychotic dentist at that. His last surviving patient outlived him by 80 years; a gold molar crown that he supposedly made for a six-year-old girl in 1871 was still intact when she died in 1967 at age 102. As a second trivial aside, one of my favourite Groucho Marx quotes is about Victor Mature and goes as follows:
"It's the only movie I ever saw in which the male lead's tits were bigger than the female's."...Groucho Marx, on Cecil B. DeMille's epic Samson and Delililah, starring Victor Mature and Hedy Lamarr.
But anyway, Tony made his speech today. I didn't listen to it but I understand he was heckled, twice. Yes, Tony Blair, the only man alive who can unite the Anti-War and Pro Fox Hunting lobbies. That is a pretty special achievement. So Tony, now that you've invaded a country to overthrow an evil dictatorship and set about overthrowing the British Constitution in order to ban fox hunting and stop needless cruelty to animals, what's next?
Bans on:
  • fishing/ angling?
  • battery chicken farms?
  • horse racing?
Invasions of:
  • Zimbabwe?
  • The Sudan?
  • North Korea?
I can't wait. Unfortunately, I didn't catch any analysis of his speech either because Predator was on in the evening. Predator was arguably the most politically influential film since Ronald Regan appeared with Bonzo the chimp in Bedtime for Bonzo. The stars of Predator include no less than three former body builders who subsequently ran for high political office; Arnold Schwarzenegger (current Governor of California), Jesse Ventura (former Governor of Minnesota) and Sonny Landham (2003 candidate for Governor of Kentucky). Hopefully, The Predator himself will stand for President in 2009, though the constitutional requirement that he must be American-born may prove a handicap. Maybe Arnold will get the Constitution changed at some point in the next couple of years.
So, that's where the British Conservatives are going wrong. Nobody will vote for them because none of their front-bench spokesmen have appeared in Aliens .
Has anyone mentioned lately that America can be a very strange country indeed?

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