Stay in the pink with ciggies and drink

Quite a few people seem to be getting hot under the collar about yesterday’s announcement of tax rises on alcohol and tobacco.

Naturally, as a Fully Paid-Up Conspiraloon, I firmly believe that this is all part of the plan – with people distracted by and talking about the prospect of 4p on a pint of beer whilst, meanwhile, the entire country is teetering on the brink of an economic precipice

'Attention Passengers! The Captain regrets to announce that he's just had to put up prices in the bar'

and, anyway, once people have thought the latest tax rises through they’ll start to realise that things aren't quite as bad as they first seem…

• even with the tax rises, beer and fags prices are still rising at a slower rate than the cost of transportation, heating and food

• given that government inflation figures are bent and hugely understated, the promise that tax rates on beer and fags will rise by only 2% above the official rate of inflation over the next four years is effectively a promise that the tax rise will actually be significantly less than the true rate of inflation

• illegal drugs continue to be exempt from direct taxation and are, especially hard drugs, becoming an ever-more affordable alternative/ supplement to alco-pops
  
  

so, looking on the bright side, whilst beer and fags are, admittedly, on the pricey side they still remain a relatively affordable alternative to eating, keeping warm or living a largely despair-free life; plus there’s always the option of getting off your face on some lovely, lovely cheap smack instead

yummy

edit: Handy, cut out and keep guide to cocaine and heroin UK street prices 1997-2007 as quoted in Hansard...


of course, if you were to adjust for inflation, the 2007 prices would be something like £20-25 in 1997 money - representing a real slap in the face for anyone who claims that NATO interventions in places like Kosovo and Afghanistan are fucked-up, pointless failures

and, for the really curious, here's a BBC published menu of fare...



a few things worth noting...

- whilst we in the South continue to pay more for our houses, top hats, cigars and fizzy, weak beer than our friends in the North, our drugs are often more keenly priced

- a tab of ecstasy costs about the same as a bottle of alcopop in a club but contains a lot less artificial colouring and sweetener and is therefore possibly less neurologically harmful as well as being cost-effective

- people who live in Birmingham don't need to take LSD

.