Monday, December 10, 2007

Hypno-Teddy gets a canoe

I subscribe to Channel 4 News daily email

Here's a small selection of some of the more recent emails C4 has sent me...

Do you enjoy having your intelligence insulted on virtually a daily basis? Subscribe to Snowmail today!!

That's not all of them, I deleted some immediately upon receipt purely on reflex, but I think there are enough there to illustrate a point that is verging on being so bleeding obvious that it almost seems a waste of time making it

How the f*ck does this guy sleep at night?

There have been several rather blatant and shameless attempts to assist the media in its effort to distract people's attention away from Northern Rock as well as recent revelations about the corruption of our political system. The two most cynical have been IMHO...

but, to be honest, all that stuff is just a little bit too highbrow and serious to serve as a really good distraction

What people really want to take their mind off things is teddy bears

...and nutcases in canoes

Yes, teddy bears and nutcases in canoes

...and if at all possible, bearded nutcases in canoes

Meanwhile, a group of bankers has made off with all that lovely risk and debt free £30,000,000,000 in cash that was shoveled into Northern Rock in our name and rumours are starting to appear that there's a spot of predatory market shorting of debt-burdened, insolvent high street stores taking place as well as of the debt-burdened insolvent banks which the folks at C4 News and all their fellow media idiot-whores aren't talking about

There really seems to be little doubt that something catastrophic will take place in the UK economy. It's not about 'If' any more, the question merely is 'When? - before or after the holiday season?'

Average London house prices (£) per the Halifax: Apparently, the house price bubble is entirely a result of shortage of housing supply and the market definitely won't crash but will simply settle down to a 'soft landing' - and anyway if prices do drop sharply we can just deal with any fall in demand by knocking a few thousand houses down and everything will turn out just peachy...

Meanwhile, let's not worry about the people in the know getting their mates and bitches to bullshit for a few more weeks' or months' worth of time so that they can siphon their (our) money out of their f*cked system. Let's all keep thinking about teddy bears nutters in canoes instead

Think only of the canoe...



paul said...

Mrs Darwin arrived back in Britain yesterday morning and was arrested by armed police when her plane touched down at Manchester airport.

Armed police?!!? Who's watching the terrofascists?!!!

Stef said...

Her husband grew a beard - and you can never be too careful

tbh they should have tasered the crap out of her straight away just to be on the safe side

It's the only way to be Sure™

Alex Fear said...

I have been in London just over a year (actually, just moved out to Watford now- phew) and occasionally I still have to pass by the old route to work. There are empty, boarded up houses that have now been there longer than I have been driving past.

The idea that there is some sort of shortage is a complete whitewash that only the proles believe.

Hangar Lane, Ealing, check it out. The Mrs and me still haven't ruled out squatting!

Stef said...

That would be some proles

I'm not kidding myself that the people behind this insanity think that I, or anyone else who tries to think things through, are anything more than pond scum

Merkin said...

I have bought big into 'Canoes R Us' so I hope Stef is wrong.
Personally, I prefer the ones with the built in paraffin heaters.
However, with oil at 100$ we just have proof of the old saying.
'Can't have your kayak and heat it'.

Stef said...

ouch, painful, painful punning

mind you, faking your own death in a canoe might soon be up there with voluntary bankruptcy and IVAs as being a viable get out when the dominoes start falling

paul said...

Her husband grew a beard
It's worse than that I'm afraid!! These people are lower than benefit cheats, they stole money from a financial institution!
Something only senior employees of said enterprises are trusted to do.
I'm surprised the Kratos protocol wasn't triggered.

paul said...

It'll probably be compulsory to get your nuts knotted by the time you've paddled there.
Mind you, you can hardly blame them, considering what I've heard about the Kiwi womenfolk.

Stef said...


oh dear

I've been saying that 12,000 miles away isn't far enough

Why do you find this stuff?

and as for Kiwi lasses whatever they may lack in the way of being part of a large, diversified gene pool they make up for in being the salt of the earth, bless 'em

Stef said...

...have I posted a link to the Weather Angels lately?

/ shudders

Shutter said...

The canoe does of course provide a very suitable metaphor ... us allbeing up shit creek with one but without a paddle.

PS: Advice - shave your beards off - this especially applies to female members of the crew.

'Can't have your kayak and heat it'.OMG

Stef said...

Why do you find this stuff?

my bad

I, of course, meant to type...

Who do you find this stuff?

Jane said...

Wow!!! News is breaking right now on BBC - Nellie the elephant has packed her trunk and said goodbye to the circus!

This is going to be bigger than Hypno-Teddy sailing to Panama in a canoe, surely?

paul said...

and as for Kiwi lasses whatever they may lack in the way of being part of a large, diversified gene pool they make up for in being the salt of the earth, bless 'em
No disrespect to the good ladies, I just recall you highlighting their voracious sexual appetite, which is why the NZ elite are implementing 'endgame' policies, no doubt

Anonymous said...

Alex fear is right, there is no shortage of property in this country, that's the government's convenient get out clause for the catastrophic debt bubble they have allowed to inflate over the last 10 years. There are at least a million vacant houses, even in a country where 99% of the population live on only 8% of the habitable land. Property is expensive because of a speculative goldrush created by too much cheap money been injected into the system. Cheap debt that's packaged up 10 ways to Sunday and sold around the world as low risk chips in a global casino filled with exotic and impenetrable bets.

Satyajit Das is one of the inventors of these exotic financial products and he reckons the current credit crisis is just the very tiniest tip of the iceberg -

I reckon anyone with any spare cash lying about should get themselves some gold pretty sharpish...

Stef said...

I reckon anyone with any spare cash lying about should get themselves some gold pretty sharpish...

or some roubles maybe - Russia has been piling up gold reserves like there's no tomorrow and its enormous resources are back under state control

the problem with anyone of modest means trying to hedge for their future is that, of course, even if they are successful they're hardly going to be able to protect themselves in any real or long-lasting way if the life of everyone else around them goes tits up

I've met a few people over the few years, particularly those who have been priced out of the market, who have been looking forward to some kind of crash. The problem is, as demonstrated by the Northern Rock balls up, that people who have put money aside could see that money, or its value, vaporise in an instant - plus their jobs are at just as much risk as people who have over-indebted themselves

PS @jane - I like elephants, elephants are fun

Stef said...

.. That was an interesting link btw, ta

Anonymous said...

I agree with what you're saying. If things truly get as bad as some say, then all bets are off really as to what will happen. During the depression in the 20s the US seized all private gold for instance. However I still think its prudent to spread your risk. A combination of money and commodities like gold does hedge your bets to some extent. If one falls dramatically then the other is like to rise inversely. Alternatively, investing in a good strong wheelbarrow might be a good idea if Weimar Germany is anything to go by. Does anyone believe it couldn't happen here?

Alex Fear said...

Stef, it seems you were probably right, it always easy to miss out factors in things like this.

However I'd argue that by backing the Wreck, our Industrious Financially Stable Great Leader Gordon Brown has not only intervened in what should be natural laws of capitalism, but also simply diverted the flood water from the forest to the fields.

In keeping with the metaphor, the forests (banking, industry and commerce) would have soaked up a lot of the overflow, but now the flood waters are headed for the fields (representing savers who've worked hard, tax-payers who have no control how their money is spent).

The Government have royally screwed us all over. They are like the compulsive gambler who has used his friends money in an attempt to win back his lost fortune, only to make the Casino boss richer.

The only way we as taxpayers will get back what we have 'invested' into the Wreck is if they nationalise it. There is no way a private company is going to buy it on unfavourable terms (ie the taxpayer gets paid back first). No they'll spend years before we even see our money, IF we see it. Meanwhile shareholders will get their bonuses and the buyer will make a ton of money on the mortgage debt.

The government/gambler has taken all their chips and bet it in one hand, now they expect the dealer to give them good cards, but why should the dealer give them good cards?

I'll tell you something else, if they manage to sell the Wreck to Beardie before it sinks and is unrecoverable then they'll get away with it to. The proles like Beardie and they have no concept of how much tax has been wasted. Hypno-Teddy says "who cares, I can't do maths anyway".

With regards to fines for babies, it's good to see Western countries seeking to integrate with Chinese government policy. I just hope that they weigh up the environmental impact of babies being dumped in the gutters.