Saturday, December 15, 2007

Maybe not all but quite a few roads lead to Goldmans

Good news for anyone looking to get a mortgage and worried about the impact of the ‘Credit Crunch’ on the ability and appetite of banks to lend them money

Northern Rock is still offering 125% sub-prime mortgages


The Northern Rock ‘together’ Mortgage

“together is more than just a flexible mortgage.

It gives you the money to buy your home as well as providing you with a cash reserve for the things you want.

All at the same interest rate.

It’s ideal for first time buyers and it’s flexible, so it changes as your life changes.

A together mortgage adapts to your needs, from helping you onto the housing ladder to moving to a bigger place, extending your home and providing extra cash when you need it. Or you might simply choose to switch your mortgage from another lender, to take advantage of together’s features.

How together mortgages work

together is different to a normal mortgage. It works by combining your secured mortgage with an unsecured loan at a single interest rate with one monthly payment. This combination can be worth up to 125% of your home’s value.

together is a mortgage which allows you to borrow up to 125% of your home’s value. It’s a bit different from a normal mortgage and works by combining a secured loan worth up to 95% of your home’s value, with an unsecured loan of up to £30,000, all at the same interest rate.”

After all the speculation of recent months, it’s reassuring to see that Northern Rock management aren’t spunking away that £30,000,000,000 of the British public’s money on toxic financial cack

And the emphasis on spelling ‘together’ with a lower case ‘t’ is also a good sign that Northern Rock focuses on the important, fundamental things and not just superficial marketing bullshit

When the Titanic started sinking the Captain did at least have the decency to turn the engines off


Elsewhere in the entirely honest world of high finance I was touched to read this heart warming tale of three Goldman Sachs traders unselfishly battling adversity and ordering in chicken salad as they sold the US housing market short

Three Bankers Make £2bn Out Of Mortgage Misery

Three New York traders are celebrating one of the biggest profits in Wall Street history after making a £2bn bet that sub-prime mortgages would fall in value.

The trio at Goldman Sachs, the US investment bank, watched their winnings grow as the rising numbers of mortgage defaults caused chaos in a worldwide financial crisis.

Dan Sparks, 40, Michael Swenson, 40 and Josh Birnbaum, 35, bet that the sub-prime mortgage market was in trouble and scooped £1.96bn, sources told the Wall Street Journal.

Their win, one of the biggest windfalls in the securities industry in years, wiped out between £0.73bn and £0.98bn of mortgage-related losses elsewhere at the bank.

Goldman Sachs is now expected to report a record £5.3bn annual profit - and the three traders are in line for bonuses of between £2.45m and £7.34m.

The Wall Street Journal revealed how Mr Swenson would leave his home early enough to travel to the office from New Jersey and fit in a workout at the gym before arriving at his desk by 7.30am.

Mr Sparks, who commuted in to Manhattan from New Canaan, Connecticut, would leave his house by 5.30am.

With no time for breaks, the trio ate breakfast and lunch at their desks - a chicken and vegetable salad from a nearby deli for Mr Swenson and a chicken or turkey sandwich for Mr Birnbaum.

They often worked past midnight and missed weekend trips with their families as they battled with their bosses to keep their bets from being whittled away by more conservative risk managers.

Investment banks tend to keep a tight leash on traders, with memories of Nick Leeson's losses of £827m from unapproved trading which sank Barings Bank in 1995 at the forefront of their minds.

In February, Mr Birnbaum was overruled when he insisted it was the "the wrong time" to be cutting the bets. The decision was later reversed.

Other traders on Wall Street, including at Deutsche Bank and Morgan Stanley, also bet against the sub-prime mortgage market this year, but their gains were wiped out because they underestimated how far the markets would fall.

  • Goldman Sachs is, of course, the natural choice for the discerning and well-informed investor. What with its uncanny predictive abilities and all

On the positive side, Goldmans is big on supporting global warming activism and youth education and does what it can to keep senior politicians around the world in caviar and hand-jobs in the periods when they are out of office

Goldman Sachs is, of course, highly unlikely to be one of the firms that goes tits up if and when the financial markets finally melt down and will no doubt still be around for the next one

Time for a new Fish of the Month methinks...


And one thing that is always worth remembering at times like these is that when a bank, or an oil company, or whatever, reports a profit of 1, 2, 3, 4 or £5bn, or even a loss, there are a thousand and one ways to siphon off profit before it reaches the company's bottom line.

There is no way on God's Earth that mere mortals such as ourselves could ever be able to understand just how much is being made from the misfortunes visited upon us or even who is making it



paul said...

Talk about landing on your feet!

Stef said...

There is talk of Goldmans having a bonus pool of £18bn this year...

Tales of noble traders battling against the odds and having to eat take-aways being farmed out to the media in advance of this becoming widely known are, no doubt, entirely coincidental

paul said...

You might think the clients that got caught with the shorts down might be ringing up that geordie john osborne called at the end of 'Get Carter'.

paul said...

There is talk of Goldmans having a bonus pool of £18bn this year...
At least they'll be able to afford a nice hot meal at last.
Turkeys, stuffing, plenty of gravy. Smashing!

paul said...

Geordie hitman might be busy this xmas

Stef said...

Estulin: Elitists Consider Assassinating Ron Paul

or employing him

whichever works out as most cost-effective

Stef said...

Book your Geordie hitman early and avoid the Christmas rush!!