Wednesday, September 12, 2007

They're all Conspiraloons now - well, sort of

Many of the most vehement criticisms of parapolitical conspiracy theories come not from the 'Right' of politics but from established 'Left Wing' thinkers and writers

Which is kind of curious really

You would have thought that supposedly anti-establishment lefties would be all over a worldview that saw the human affairs as being consciously manipulated by a powerful, self-serving elite

The sticking point is not the concept of a powerful, self-serving elite but the suggestion that the members of this elite are going about their self-serving in a deliberate, co-ordinated manner...

  • Conspiraloons believe that much of what goes on in the world is deliberately planned, or at least given a good nudge wherever possible
  • Serious Left Wing intellectuals know that these things 'just happen'

This distinction goes back at least as far as the 19th Century, when thinkers like Marx and Darwin attempted to explain everything in terms of scientific forces rather than the acts of individuals, which smacked too much of religion for their tastes.

Believing that things just happen was claimed to be rational and scientific. Believing that things are sometimes deliberately made to happen by powerful forces which don't always announce what they're up to was denounced as irrational and superstitious

There has been much discussion amongst Conspiraloons
that the powerful forces which control the world invested heavily in promoting this arbitrary and essentially false dichotomy and that the greatest trick they ever pulled was convincing the world they didn't exist

but that's not important or particularly amusing right now

What is amusing right now are the signs of discomfort being shown by journalistic gatekeepers (arguably prisoners of ideology rather than conscious shills) as they try to explain and comment on what's going on in the world without committing the mortal sin of sounding like a Conspiraloon
. Thanks to the Internet and the increasingly blatant behaviour of our non-existent controlling elites, that's proving to be an increasingly difficult act to pull off

Some evidence to illustrate what I'm talking about taken from a couple of very peculiar journalistic days at the end of last month ('borrowing' very heavily from original research carried out by a charter member of the Conspiraloon™ Alliance here and here)...

Exhibit A

Robert Fisk - the journalist who despises the Internet

In which Fisk rattles off a laundry list of unanswered questions about 9/11 and inconsistencies in the official narrative

At the end of which he concludes...

Let me repeat. I am not a conspiracy theorist. Spare me the ravers. Spare me the plots. But like everyone else, I would like to know the full story of 9/11, not least because it was the trigger for the whole lunatic, meretricious "war on terror" which has led us to disaster in Iraq and Afghanistan and in much of the Middle East.

Yup, Bob airs a list of questions, the very existence of which challenge what we have been told about 9/11, but he's NOT a conspiracy theorist


Exhibit B

Will Hutton

Good Will Hutton has penned a piece that will gladden the heart of conspiracy connoisseurs everywhere. He points out that:

Globalisation, it is now clear, is run in the interests of a global financial class which has Western governments in its thrall


The rules of the game are set up solely to benefit the financiers whether in London, New York or Hong Kong


It is as though Europe and America had announced an amnesty to the world's criminal gangs after they had gone on a killing spree because they feared the killing would get worse

and even furthermore:

We need a party which will speak for an interest other than self-interested, amoral plutocrats. None exists

Make no mistake, this is Loontalk
in all but name...

Exhibit C (my extra special favourite)

George Monbiot

A cabal of intellectuals and elitists hijacked the economic debate, and now we are dealing with the catastrophic effects

How did they start? A tale all too familiar to us....

They arise in large part from a meeting that took place 60 years ago in a Swiss spa resort

To what purpose George, to what purpose?!!!

the real intent of the programme - the restoration of the power of the elite

What happens if you cross this cabal?!!?

if you disagreed, you got shot

Coming from anyone else, this could easily be dismissed as conspiracy theory, but it can't be, because George has previously come out strongly against these things.

Clearly this man has come a long way in a short time, he is one of us now, and we must cherish him. As one disciple of the David Shayler Being's previous life said:

"I tell you, there will be more joy in Conspiracy Heaven over one reporter who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance."

Maybe now's the time to start thinking about initiating a program of militant Conspiraloon
activism - holding Conspiraloon Pride carnivals, writing protest songs, printing up some T shirts and aggressively 'outing' all those closet loons out there. They'd feel so much better about themselves afterwards



brendadada said...

Could one of you Chartered Conspiraloons (tm) please make a page where all the founding functions and distinct features of conspiralunacy are properly aired? I would like to join, and am wondering if the Hamburglar is the right icon with which to link to such a page.


The David Shayler Being said...

When i urinate into my own mouth i am rewarded by coloured lights and music in my head

Anonymous said...

I'd not heard about David Shayler's promotion to Messiah-hood. What's that all about?

the david shayler being said...

Go to my website now and be enlightened...

“I’m Brian and so is my wife”

The Messiah is to hold a press conference this week.

Date: Thursday 6 September 2007
Time: 14:00
Place: to be arranged

Journalists are asked to arrive with an open mind as this is a truth which they are in no position to determine and they may be risking their chances of eternal life. I will be discussing my journey of spiritual redemption, why I know in my heart I am the Messiah and the mission to teach humanity in the run-up to 2012.

This is all rather embarrassing for someone who was an atheist technocrat three years ago. And I am painfully aware how mad all this sounds.

There is however ancient evidence to show that the Messiah is phonetically called ‘David Shayler’. When added to recent signs which have appeared independently of me – including a Messianic Cross of Saturn, Mercury, Venus and the Sun in the skies on 7/7/7, the day I was proclaimed Messiah -- it has become inescapable that a higher power is indicating that I am the anointed or chosen one who has come to save humanity.

To any who might find this surprising, I point out that I have spent ten years standing up for truth, justice and human rights with little concern for my own life, liberty and livelihood.

To clarify the position: I am the last incarnation of the Holy Ghost (aka the Holy Spirit) or the Yeshua or Jesus Spirit (aka the Christ consciousness). As the Holy Spirit is God incarnate as essence, I am God incarnated as spirit and man. Many cultures have accepted that the gods incarnate as humans, including the Egyptians, the Greeks and the Romans. In the West, this knowledge has been preserved as the unwritten Qabalah, the real secret guarded over the centuries by groups like the Templars and the Rosicrucians.

Other incarnations have included Tutenkhamen, King Arthur, Mark Anthony, Leonardo da Vinci, Lawrence of Arabia and Astronges, a Hebrew shepherd and revolutionary leader crucified in Palestine in 1 BC. I am both a re-incarnation of King David and of his bloodline.

It is absolutely clear to me that the world is going to hell in a handcart. Few would dispute that humanity needs a Messiah to get it through these difficult times. Those who follow the real teachings of Jesus – unconditional love and absolute faith -- have nothing to fear from the New Universe.

David Michael Shayler
Hebrew for Beloved King (who) shuffles through the Other World
3 September 2007

The Antagonist said...

Don't worry, the Conspiraloon Alliance is on the case with Shayler, the new Messiah.

Anonymous said...

I see. That explains it then.

You look quite snazzy now you're the Messiah.

The Antagonist said...

Speaking of old George, the World Development movement have just released -- wait for it -- a PODCAST of George Monbiot, "writer, broadcaster and academic, talking about the history of direct action".

The David Shayler Being said...

You look quite snazzy now you're the Messiah.

Thank you - I managed to pick most of the outfit up at Next

And here's a smaller url for that Daily mail article you refer to

people need to be informed before it's too late

The Antagonist said...

Oh, and why not add Peter Tatchell, to a degree, to the list:

9/11 - the big cover-up?

Even the chair of the 9/11 Commission now admits that the official evidence they were given was 'far from the truth'.

Six years after 9/11, the American public have still not been provided with a full and truthful account of the single greatest terror attack in US history....

Anonymous said...

There's an interesting post on the mirror's forum of all places -

P20's post about half way down

The Antagonist said...

P20's post about half way down

P20's post is very good indeed and the Kat & Jerry routine rides on the back of one or two other well known International, cross-media marketed campaigns that are, to all intents and purposes, an almost complete failure.

But I shan't go mooing and moaning about it.

Charles Thorn said...

The Antagonist said...
But I shan't go mooing and moaning about it.

Why not? It can do wonders for your career.

The Antagonist said...

Yes, fair point. But I can't decide whether I want to be a schmaltzy advertising exec, a full time campaigner for an expensive and high-profile self-publicising and self-aggrandising waste of time, or a writer who can't.

Decision, decisions....

The Antagonist said...

Shit, they're dropping like flies:

Mainstream Journalist: I Was Wrong On 9/11 Truth

A mainstream journalist who yesterday urged his readers to give 9/11 truth protesters in Seattle the finger has completely reversed his position, apologized to the protesters and promised to help get the word out on full disclosure of 9/11 truth.

Stef said...

Hmmm Peter Tatchell eh?


Just perfect

The Antagonist said...

Ho ho ho!

The Conspiraloon™ Alliance is legion.

Yeah, Peter Tatchell says it's OK and, er, so too do Pickled Politics.

"The problem is, even pointing out these holes in our emotionally super-charged political atmosphere means others instantly accuse you of indulging in conspiracy theory. Quite sad really."

And the 7/7 narrative, of course, is tight as a button. Maybe everyonne's saving their 7/7 questions for the 6th anniversary in 2010.

Anonymous said...

The Antagonist said...
Maybe everyonne's saving their 7/7 questions for the 6th anniversary in 2010.

Did someone delete a year?