They're all Conspiraloons now - well, sort of

Many of the most vehement criticisms of parapolitical conspiracy theories come not from the 'Right' of politics but from established 'Left Wing' thinkers and writers

Which is kind of curious really

You would have thought that supposedly anti-establishment lefties would be all over a worldview that saw the human affairs as being consciously manipulated by a powerful, self-serving elite

The sticking point is not the concept of a powerful, self-serving elite but the suggestion that the members of this elite are going about their self-serving in a deliberate, co-ordinated manner...

• Conspiraloons™ believe that much of what goes on in the world is deliberately planned, or at least given a good nudge wherever possible

• Serious Left Wing intellectuals know that these things 'just happen'

This distinction goes back at least as far as the 19th Century, when thinkers like Marx and Darwin attempted to explain everything in terms of scientific forces rather than the acts of individuals, which smacked too much of religion for their tastes.

Believing that things just happen was claimed to be rational and scientific. Believing that things are sometimes deliberately made to happen by powerful forces which don't always announce what they're up to was denounced as irrational and superstitious

There has been much discussion amongst Conspiraloons™ that the powerful forces which control the world invested heavily in promoting this arbitrary and essentially false dichotomy and that the greatest trick they ever pulled was convincing the world they didn't exist

but that's not important or particularly amusing right now

What is amusing right now are the signs of discomfort being shown by journalistic gatekeepers (arguably prisoners of ideology rather than conscious shills) as they try to explain and comment on what's going on in the world without committing the mortal sin of sounding like a Conspiraloon™. Thanks to the Internet and the increasingly blatant behaviour of our non-existent controlling elites, that's proving to be an increasingly difficult act to pull off

Some evidence to illustrate what I'm talking about taken from a couple of very peculiar journalistic days at the end of last month ('borrowing' very heavily from original research carried out by a charter member of the Conspiraloon™ Alliance here and here)...


Exhibit A

Robert Fisk - the journalist who despises the Internet

Even I Question the truth about 9/11 (The Independent 25/8/07)

In which Fisk rattles off a laundry list of unanswered questions about 9/11 and inconsistencies in the official narrative

At the end of which he concludes...

Let me repeat. I am not a conspiracy theorist. Spare me the ravers. Spare me the plots. But like everyone else, I would like to know the full story of 9/11, not least because it was the trigger for the whole lunatic, meretricious "war on terror" which has led us to disaster in Iraq and Afghanistan and in much of the Middle East.

Yup, Bob airs a list of questions, the very existence of which challenge what we have been told about 9/11, but he's NOT a conspiracy theorist

Knob


Exhibit B

Will Hutton

Curb the Greedy Financiers (The Guardian 26/8/07)

Good Will Hutton has penned a piece that will gladden the heart of conspiracy connoisseurs everywhere. He points out that:

Globalisation, it is now clear, is run in the interests of a global financial class which has Western governments in its thrall

more:

The rules of the game are set up solely to benefit the financiers whether in London, New York or Hong Kong

furthermore:

It is as though Europe and America had announced an amnesty to the world's criminal gangs after they had gone on a killing spree because they feared the killing would get worse

and even furthermore:

We need a party which will speak for an interest other than self-interested, amoral plutocrats. None exists

Make no mistake, this is Loontalk™ in all but name...


Exhibit C (my extra special favourite)

George Monbiot

How the neoliberals stitched up the wealth of nations for themselves (The Guardian 28/8/07)

A cabal of intellectuals and elitists hijacked the economic debate, and now we are dealing with the catastrophic effects

How did they start? A tale all too familiar to us....

They arise in large part from a meeting that took place 60 years ago in a Swiss spa resort

To what purpose George, to what purpose?!!!

the real intent of the programme - the restoration of the power of the elite

What happens if you cross this cabal?!!?

if you disagreed, you got shot

Coming from anyone else, this could easily be dismissed as conspiracy theory, but it can't be, because George has previously come out strongly against these things.

Clearly this man has come a long way in a short time, he is one of us now, and we must cherish him. As one disciple of the David Shayler Being's previous life said:

"I tell you, there will be more joy in Conspiracy Heaven over one reporter who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance."


Maybe now's the time to start thinking about initiating a program of militant Conspiraloon™ activism - holding Conspiraloon™ Pride carnivals, writing protest songs, printing up some T shirts and aggressively 'outing' all those closet loons out there. They'd feel so much better about themselves afterwards

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