Stef's Local Restaurant Tips No.49 - The Bridge to China Town, Borough Road

SE1’s premiere Halal Chinese restaurant

Yet another satisfied customer raves…

If you don't mind sloppy chinese food or a very desperate student then this is for you. Just outside my uni, this place isn't worth going to. Their swett corn soup is so thick, it pour like tarmac- NOT JOKING! It's thicker than honey! Food is either tasteless or greasy or both. Yeah it's cheap but I'd rather spend my money on bog roll

Rating 2/10

In truth, my own recommendation is based more on the ambience than the quality of food on offer.

The swett corn soup may be thicker than tarmac but The Bridge to China Town dining experience offers an unparalleled opportunity to watch the super spooky Islamofundamentalist terrorist radicalisation process in action.

If you’re especially lucky you might even get caught up in one of the ludicrously over-manned police terror-arse raids driven by piss poor intelligence that this great city is becoming justly famous for...

the raid came after "months of surveillance into those suspected of recruiting or encouraging others to take part in terrorist activities".

The restaurant was full of people, including children, when around 40 police officers wearing riot gear raided it shortly after 2200 BST on Friday.

Diners were told they were being questioned under the Terrorism Act.

Each was asked to give their name and address, after which those arrested were taken away in handcuffs.

This is particularly important to South Londoners who enjoy watching a show whilst eating their swett and sour now that the New Saigon is out of business and Chinese Elvis has stopped his regular gigs at the Graceland Palace on the Old Kent Road

-

Reading the BBC’s account of the recent raid on this Sino-Islamic terror training camp cum shitty budget Chinese restaurant, I particularly enjoyed this important information from crack BBC security correspondent Gordon Carrera…

the arrests were linked to allegations of "training camps" within the UK for people who want to engage in terrorist acts.

"Here in the UK it's more forms of bonding and getting groups together as well as radicalising those taking part. It's not necessarily military or terrorist training or blowing things up, it's more training in the sense of groups bonding and working together".

The fact that our State News Service can parrot crap like that without any significant blowback speaks volumes about how fucked-up the collective IQ of this country has become in a scarily short time.

So, remember, if you see any Muslims working or eating together grass the fuckers up tout suite

Stef’s Local Restaurant Tips No.48 – The New Saigon Restaurant and Bar, Old Kent Road

... currently not in business but hopefully it will get back on the rails once its former management team are released from jail in nine year's time

Signature dishes include

• Cashew Chicken and Pineapple
• Egg Noodle with Roasted Duck
• Fake passports
• Cups of your own blood (with or without crunchy peanut garnish)
  

Per the ever-amusing and informative South London Press…

A RESTAURANT boss who ordered a man to drink a glass of his own blood during a horrific torture ordeal has been jailed for nine years.

Vietnamese Linh Le, 41, tied Joe Smith to a chair and jabbed him with a stun gun because he believed he was a police officer.

Mr Smith, 30, an Ivory Coast national who was looking for a false passport, was beaten and pistol-whipped until he was left with a fractured skull and a broken leg and arm.

Le told Mr Smith and his friend Peter Dennis they would be chopped into pieces and dumped in bin bags if a £10,000 ransom was not paid.

When Mr Smith begged for water he was handed a glass of his own blood by Le and two of his laughing heavies and told to take a sip at the New Saigon restaurant in the Old Kent Road.

The really interesting question is if that’s how they treat people they suspect of being police officers you’ve just got to ask yourself what would they have done to someone they didn’t think was a policeman.

For want of a picture of the New Saigon I’ve plumped for a picture of the nearby and equally salubrious, and amusingly named ('The Handjob of the Beast'), 666 Sauna instead


.

Stef's Local Restaurant Tips No.47 - The Famous Kennington Tandoori

aka (on its webpage) - The Kennignton Tandoori

Curry House of the Stars

Nothing super-special curry wise but featuring the best window display of faded, poor quality 'celebrity' customer photographs in SE11

Including

• Former Defence Minister and world class twat Geoff Hoon
  

• Former Lib Dem leader Charles 'Mines a Large One' Kennedy

and best of all

• Deputy Prime Minister Honest John Prescott and his charming wife 'Mrs Prescott' aka The Rt. Hon. Rosie Winterton MP
  

Kennington itself is a peculiar wee corner of town. A prosperous enclave of expensive housing and trendy little eateries just a stone's throw across the river from Westminster, bounded on all sides by neighbourhoods just teeming with exclusion and despair. There have been at least two fatal stabbings within a few minutes walk of the restaurant in the last couple of months alone.

So it goes without saying most of the politicians who eat at the Kennington Tandoori turn up in cabs.

Life, don't talk to me about Life...

and on an even more personal note than usual

Apologies to the small but select group of people I've blown out or been a little terse with over the last few months. Most of you know why.

For want of a better euphemism, the situation has now, um, resolved itself.

My normal range of services will be resumed shortly - including such old favourites as cadging beers, over-staying my welcome, leaving pointless blog comments, trolling on a variety of photo sharing sites and getting annoyed in public places and embarrassing whoever is with me for apparently no reason at all.

I can't wait

Concrete - Time to Embrace The Horror

A top video link found via a posting in The Londonist

Out of Time - A Celebration of Concrete

(edit: video has subsequently been nixed by YouTube - the w*nkers)

The makers have missed out quite a few personal favourites e.g.





but when you're so spoiled for choice a certain degree of exclusion is inevitable

Tosspot of the Week - Trevor Phillips OBE

For a few years now I've been grumbling to anyone who would listen, and people who wouldn't, about the rate of migration into the UK and especially London

It hasn't been managed very well and, to my mind, seems to be driven by interests that find the prospect of an extensive, lowly-paid, socially-fractured underclass quite appealing.

It's all about untermensch baby.

If you scratch the surface a little, the migration issue is not really about political correctness or 'do-gooding'. It is, as is usually the case, about money and control. And it would be just peachy if those on the Left who have been unknowingly supporting a globalist agenda for years now woke up to that.

My concerns are nothing to do with any prejudice towards any race or any culture. Quite the opposite. I simply don't relish the prospect of living in a country or supporting a system where people are systematically fucked-over; whether they were born here or not.

And yet, until recently, anyone voicing concerns about these matters has run the risk of being accused of over-stating the scale and impact of recent migration or of being plain racist.

Politicians from the Labour Party and Nu Labour fluffers who've been appointed to head up the various quangoes concerned with these matters have been particularly vociferous in chucking names around.

And now, to anyone who holds politicians in the contempt to which they should be held, it comes as no surprise to discover that the Labour Party has motored past those of us who are concerned, but not racist or hateful, over to territory once occupied by the likes of the British National, and Conservative, parties.

At the very least this demonstrates a certain degree of, erm, 'moral flexibility', usually associated with sociopaths, on the part of the Labour Party and its supporter(s)

and a classic example of Problem - Reaction - Solution

and utterly, utterly repugnant

Fuck me, I read two articles in the Daily Mail, of all newspapers, this weekend that were saying Labour Politicians were going too far in their (thinly veiled) attacks on Muslims in Britain

The World Turned Upside Down or what?

And so, my much much-coveted Tosspot of the Week award must go to Trevor Phillips OBE, Chair for the Commission for Racial Equality who, along with all his New Labour friends, has been extolling the virtues of multicultralism and accusing people with concerns of being racist for years now but, along with all his New Labour friends, has recently decided that multiculturalism doesn't actually apply to Muslims.

Apparently, according to Trevor we have to be afraid of British Muslims because they are just itching to start some race riots. Yup, we shouldn't be concerned about the veil 'debate' because it's a pretty wanky way to behave in itself. No, we should be concerned because violent Muslims might start setting fire to cars.

Which sounds much more like a threat rather than a call for common decency to me.

Proclaiming thoughts like that is just going to do wonders for racial harmony in Britain.

What a tosspot.

Trevor Phillips, OBE

Enoch Powell, MBE

And if anyone can find any significant difference in tone, and implication, between the crap Phillips has been coming out with recently and Enoch Powell's much reviled 'Rivers of Blood' speech I'd love to hear about it

General Evil

Not particularly topical any more but...

I was watching the BBC news in a hospital room with my Dad yesterday when a nurse came in the room. She looked at the screen and said -

Oooh, that's Dr Evil isn't it?

Actually it was a clip of General Sir Richard Dannatt but she was close enough

General Sir Richard Dannatt

Dr Evil

I knew there was something bugging me about that guy

Things to see and do at the Elephant and Castle

E&C - Rape Tunnel No.14

Good news for people living in my neck of the woods who despair at the fact that the Elephant and Castle shopping centre is a crumbling shit hole of a place and a magnet for drug dealing, random shootings and violent rape...




It's much more than that



Oh yes

You can also fuck someone for a fiver!!! ...

I am Back in Elephant and Castle until further notice - Whilst in Elephant and Castle I have a driver who will collect you from the station and drop you back as my appartment is approx 10 mins walk. Dont panic guys my driver is a top guy. Very professional.

TWO GIRL DUOS ARE BACK 23RD OCTOBER WITH CARMEN COXXX PICTURE IN GALLERY - DOING 1 DAY EVERY WEEK DEDICATED TO TWO GIRL - £250.00 1 HOUR INCALL ONLY

SPECIAL OFFER 1 HOUR APPOINTMENT - £110.00 (SAVE £50.00)

UK TOUR DATES ANNOUNCED - Edinburgh (26th October - 28th October). Please see below for more details

TICKET TO WIN IT - “Fuck me for a £5” -
PREVIOUS WINNER WAS - LOVETOMEET

TICKET TO WIN IT - "THE FUCK LOTTERY" - The Best Fucking Lottery Ever - 3 Credit - See details below or look under the For Sale section on my profile.
PREVIOUS WINNER WAS DIVER9
PREVIOUS WINNER WAS TABBY CAT

Nikita's listing in adultwork.co.uk is an education in itself and well worth a read

And, no, I am not dropping early Christmas present hints

And, no, I'm no being prudish about things. If grown adults want to pay £100 to pee on, and humiliate, each other that's their business and good luck to them. I've been spending most of my time with sick old people over the last few months and if that was my going rate I'd be quids in by now.

\jealous

Come to think of it, your average geriatric nurse would be on £70-80k pa

This is not the only lottery you can currently enter in Southwark where the entrants stand a good chance of being fucked

How about this latest initiative from the laser sharp minds behind Southwark Council...

WELL-MEANING environment chiefs thought they had struck upon a sure-fire way to encourage residents to recycle.

Launched this month, it encourages residents to write their names and addresses on tags before attaching them to rubbish bags for recycling.

Binmen then collect the tags and put them into a monthly prize draw for £1,000.

... But a top fraud expert has revealed it could help crooks piece together the confidential details they needed to rip people off.

Genius...

Stef's music video tips

If I go there will be trouble
And if I stay it will be double
So come on and let me know
Should I stay or should I go

... from the same person behind Sunday, Bloody Sunday

Stef's film tips

My parents have got Sky

Which enabled me to watch this movie for the first time yesterday -

Saving Private Lynch (2003)

'Fact-based drama about the young soldier rescued from behind enemy lines during the Second Gulf War in 2003.'

Starring Brent Saxon, quite certainly the most virile name I've heard for a long time

I think I managed to spot which fact the producers based the movie on; as far as I can tell, they managed to spell her name correctly

Other 'fact-based' accounts of inspiring deeds in Iraq and Afghanistan not yet turned into motion pictures...

Shooting Sergeant Tillman

Cleaning Up After Captain Masters

Whacking Colonel Westhusing

Topping Terry Lloyd

Emulating Private England...

ha

... ha

El Caudillo

'Oh, and Generale, just one more thing - love your suit...'

Of course, if I were really, really paranoid and still clutching onto that modern parallels with the 1930s thing I could hypothecate that this General Dannatt business has served as an excellent exercise to establish if five years of War on Terror, ten years of Nu Labour rule and all those changes in the law have left the British people amenable to the notion of some form of military rule

...should circumstances ever require

What a ludicrous idea

Good job I'm not that paranoid

ha ha

ha

ha ha ha

ha ha

General Sir Richard Dannatt revisited - yet again

Afghanistan here I come! - An infantryman modelling the new British Army 2006-07 Season 'away match' team uniform as designed by General Sir Richard 'Kill them all. God will know his own' Dannatt.

Because I can't help myself ...

From the Great Man's own lips

"It is said that we live in a post Christian society. I think that is a great shame. The broader Judaic-Christian tradition has underpinned British society. It underpins the British army."

Which presumably means all those Gurkhas and Sikhs and all those other races and creeds who served in the British Army and fought and died, often with astonishing bravery and commitment, for our 'Judaic-Christian tradition' were right Muppets.

Private Gian Singh, VC

Rifleman Tul Bahadur Pun, VC

It really is quite difficult to overstate the ignorance, and arrogance, of that man.

General Sir Richard Dannatt revisited

Militant Islam has a lot to answer for...

I'm one of those people who has never bought into the old 'religion is the cause of all wars' cliche.

It really isn't.

However, as long as useful idiots like General Dannatt are on hand, religion can serve as an excellent smokescreen for what's really going on. On top of that, if you can work a religious angle into a conflict it's a damned fine way of neutering potential opposition from the, usually secular, Left.

Afghanistan is a fine example.

The invasion of Afghanistan was all about women's rights you see, so that was alright.

In fact, you can say pretty much anything you like about Muslims at the moment without few, if any, of the usual suspects playing the race card against you. After all, if you speak up for 'The Veil' that must mean you're tacitly supporting religiously-sanctioned wife-beaters. So, as a card-carrying Secular Leftie, you're bollocksed whatever you say.

No such problems for General Dannatt.

He's been coming out with some right pearlers without so much as batting an eyelid or blushing ...

"It is said that we live in a post Christian society. I think that is a great shame. The broader Judaic-Christian tradition has underpinned British society. It underpins the British army."

"Our society has always been embedded in Christian values; once you have pulled the anchor up there is a danger that our society moves with the prevailing wind."

"There is an element of the moral compass spinning. I think it is up to society to realise that is the situation we are in."

"We can’t wish the Islamist challenge to our society away and I believe that the army both in Iraq and Afghanistan and probably wherever we go next, is fighting the foreign dimension of the challenge to our accepted way of life."

Maybe I'm missing something but Sir Richard's thoughts appear to boil down to...

We need to restore traditional values in our own country by blowing up some Heathen Wogs in another country

As fantastically appealing as that sounds, Sir Richard and his supporters will probably need to refine their line of thinking a little as it contains a few teensy weensy flaws.

First off, I'm not too sure what Sir Richard means by 'Judaic-Christian tradition'. There is undoubtedly such a thing as an Abrahamic tradition, shared by Jews, Christians and Muslims alike - belief in a single creative entity, personal responsibility and accountability, a broadly agreed code of what constitutes right or wrong . All of which could and, on occasions, have served as a basis for followers of all three religions living together peacefully.

but 'Judaic-Christian'?

The last time I looked the No.1 shared belief between all branches of Christianity was a belief in the teachings of Jesus Christ (The clue's in the name).

And, I could be wrong, but as far as I can tell Orthodox Judaism discounts Jesus as a fraud whilst Islam doesn't go so far as to recognize him as the Son of God but does credit him with being a prophet and respects his teachings.

Islamo-Christianity?

The fact that Western Christendom spent most of the last 2,000 years trying to exterminate, expel or convert Jews for their (supposedly) sinful ways is also a bit of a give-away. Or maybe it isn't. Maybe all that race hate and all those theological differences were just a wee misunderstanding all along and now we're bestest buddies who share exactly the same beliefs. Not like those Heathen Wogs...

Second off, Sir Richard really hasn't done a very good job of connecting his perceived collapse of Western Morality and Values with the supposed rise of Militant Islam. Blowing the bejesus out of some foreigners because your daughter's tattooed arse crack is showing out of the back of her jeans and she's maxed out on her credit card buying shit that doesn't make her happy doesn't strike me as being exactly fair, or logical.

The scary thing is that this arsehole is in charge of our army.

Now if Sir Richard would like to reconsider which individuals and institutions need blowing up in order to make things Righteous again I'd be more than happy to help him out

We don't do surrender

'I'm not doing this...'

Right now we're being treated to a nice example of people falling over themselves agreeing with and embracing someone just because he is (apparently) saying the kind of things they'd like to hear; throwing all their critical faculties into the toilet in the process.

I am of course talking about Head of the British Army, General Richard Dannatt and his criticisms of the occupation of Iraq. People are just wetting themselves with admiration for the general...

What General Dannatt said - I call insight, integrity and courage.

At last someone with guts to tell it like it is .

Simply Outstanding.

At last, some commom sense.

Sir Richard sounds like he wants to mount a military coup - or is that just wishful thinking on my part?

Oh dear, oh dear oh dear ...

One thing the new-found supporters of General Dannatt don't appear to be hearing is the fact that General Danatt is most definitely up for a Crusade against Muslims in some corner of the world; only that he currently prefers Afghanistan as a match venue because we have more of a chance of 'getting it right' there than in Iraq.

General Dannatt is an arsehole. A dangerous one

Now you can either recognize that Dannatt is a dangerous arsehole because, as a serving general, he has no place getting involved in politics - since Cromwell's day our establishment has been meticulous in only putting unimaginative, apolitical anal retentives at the very top of its armed forces. Sure, that means British soldiers sometimes get slaughtered like pigs on the battlefield but it does mean no general is going to 'do a Napoleon', march on Westminister and take over.

Alternatively, you can recognize that Dannatt is a dangerous arsehole because the thought of Holy War appears to give him a boner

Or, you can recognize that Dannatt is a dangerous arsehole because he seems to be labouring under the impression that we can 'win' in Afghanistan.

Yes, of course, there is plenty of precedent to support that conclusion. The pages of history are just littered with tales of armies successfully occupying Afghanistan without any trouble at all

... for fuck's sake

-

Being a history geek, one thing Dannatt said in particular really did grate with me

'We don't do surrender '

Which isn't exactly an accurate statement.

The British Army actually does do surrender; sometimes in the very same places it is fighting in today. Not often admittedly but when it does it does it really well; often losing control of entire continents and hemispheres in the process


Stef's All Time Top Five British Army Surrenders ...

1. Singapore 1942
2. Yorktown 1781
3. Kabul 1841
4. Kut (Iraq) 1916
5. Isandlwana 1879

The fall of Singapore just has to be Number One, as the surrender of 80,000 British troops and half an empire to a smaller, less equipped and less provisioned Japanese force was a feat of arms that leaves the Italian in me swooning in admiration. If you look closely at pictures from the time you can just make out General Yamashita biting his top lip trying not to burst out laughing and give the game away before the British handed over all their weapons and supplies.


And, OK, Isandlwana wasn't a surrender. It was a slaughter. The Zulus didn't take prisoners. But it deserves honourable mention as it serves as a pointer as to why 'We don't (usually) do surrender'

We don't (usually) do surrender because we 'do' fuck ups better.

We do fuck ups better because pretty much every non European conflict the British Army has got involved in since the year dot has adhered to the following tried and tested gameplan which offers plenty of scope for a really good fuck up long before surrender ever becomes an issue...

1. Occupy a country on the pretext that, altruistically, you want to help civilise it
2. Attempt to defeat local opposition with a small number of troops through application of better training, technology and a stiff upper lip
   
3. If that doesn't work play one ethnic group against the other and get them to slaughter each other for you
4. If that doesn't work scramble back onto some ships and come back another time
5. If you can't make it to the ships, get massacred by all the locals you've pissed off
6. Alternatively, if the general in charge is even more stupid than usual, surrender ... and then get massacred

Which currently puts us at round about Stage 3 or 4 of The Game in Iraq and Afghanistan. And it doesn't require uncanny psychic powers to predict the probable outcomes of both.

I thought that's why we taught our officer class to read and sent them to Sandhurst.

I repeat, General Dannatt is a dangerous arsehole.

Is it possible to love Jarvis Cocker any more than I already do?

Speaking as someone who grew up living in a flat above a shop and who spontaneously combusted on going to college and meeting rich kids for the first time I have always had a soft spot for the lyrics of Common People and Jarvis Cocker generally.

Any native Londoner who has had to listen to some pampered twot who moved into the city two minutes ago tell you how great everything is and how you shouldn't be so negative about things cannot help but warm to the lines...

'cos everybody hates a tourist
especially one who thinks
it's all such a laugh

A few years ago William Shatner released a cover of Common People complete with backing vocals by Joe Jackson.

For a moment in space-time, it was as if my own deranged personal fantasy world had interfaced with reality and been given tangible form -




It took days for me to clean myself up after first hearing it. I was spontaneously giggling in public places for months afterwards.

As for that abusing Michael Jackson thing - well, Jarvis should have been given a knighthood on the spot, even before he sobered up.

And if my own deranged personal fantasy world does ever break through into reality ever again we'll have Jarvis' face on our money.

Anyway, as proof that the old magic is still there, Jarvis has just slapped up a new DIY music video on Myspace...

Cunts are still running the World

... lyrically perfect, and if it doesn't win this year's Ivor Novello award there is no justice in this Life

Tim Ireland of bloggerheads has posted a slightly different presentation of the song...

Cunts are still running the World - the Video Game

... which gives you something to do with your hands whilst singing along to the chorus for the xhundreth time

Jarvis you're a fucking hero - don't ever change, please

Correction

Hands up

The Muslim cabbie guide dog abuser story mentioned in the last post was London based and not a rehash of the other Muslim cabbie guide dog abuser story reported in Australia's Herald Sun a few days ago

Factual errors, particularly my own, piss me off. So thanks for putting me straight David.

The Evening Standard's still full of xenophobic shit and 'Muslim cabbie bans guide dog' is still a quality headline though...

Imagine what fun the German equivalent of the Evening Standard, or the Daily Express, or The Sun, would have had with the bio and actions of this guy back in 1938 -

...migrant background ...attended religious schools ...felt alienated ...nursed a sense of grievance against the treatment of 'his' people ...committed terrorist assassination

Actually, as it 's history there's no need to imagine.

-

Just for giggles, it's worth comparing what the police said after the (non Muslim) raid in Lancashire a couple of weeks ago...

"He's not a terrorist and it's not a bomb factory but we are interested in what we have seized from his house. It will take expert advice to establish exactly what he has got.

"He was arrested under the Explosives Act on suspicion of possessing chemical substances that aren't in themselves an offence to possess but if combined may be capable of making an explosion."

which wasn't reported by most (if any) of the national dailies or the BBC

with this Muslim story which was splashed all over the fucking shop yesterday

Dhiren Barot, of north London, planned to use a radioactive "dirty bomb" in one of a series of attacks in the UK

Barot, 34, also allegedly plotted to cause explosions at several US financial buildings "designed to kill as many innocent people as possible".

The plans were for attacks on the International Monetary Fund (IMF) and World Bank buildings in Washington, the New York Stock Exchange and Citigroup buildings in New York and the Prudential buildings in Newark, New Jersey.

... The Crown could not dispute claims from the defence that no funding had been received for the projects, nor any vehicles or bomb-making materials acquired.

The plain and simple fact is that you'll always be able to find fantasist losers, psychos, benefit scroungers, puppy bashers, wife beaters and people who wear silly hats in any community if you look hard enough. The question is who's ends are the newspapers serving by extrapolating the behaviour of the few to make a case against the many?

Not mine, that's for sure

Of course, the key difference between Muslim fantasist losers, psychos and puppy bashers and non Muslim fantasist losers, psychos and puppy bashers is that some of the Muslim ones supposedly blew up London last year.

And as soon as somebody proves that with the aid of some evidence that has been subject to critical, and public, scrutiny maybe we can all collectively sit down and figure out a way forward that doesn't involve winding everyone up in a way that's virtually guaranteed to make things worse.

London and the rest of the UK were targets for IRA bombs for getting on 25 years, yet I can't remember any point over that time when our establishment came anywhere near to encouraging hysteria or vilifying communities in the way it is doing today. Nor do I recall any suggestions of invading Eire, carpet bombing Dublin or the wholesale 're-education' of Irish Catholics living on the mainland.

Of course not, it would have been a fucking stupid way to behave.

It would have made things worse.

That's not to say that no ill-conceived, repressive and divisive measures were taken in Northern Ireland. There were plenty.

And they did make things worse

Maybe it's just me but, as a general rule, I'm not a great fan of making crappy situations worse than they already are.

Cherry-picked, unrepresentative stories about maltreated guide dogs, benefit scrounging, the rent-a-mob antics of the same handful of nutters and shills and all the other shit that pours forth daily serve only to encourage hatred and alienation.

And my fear is that's the idea.

London's Quality Newspaper

You can say whatever you like about the Evening Standard but you can't accuse it of not pulling its weight when it comes to disseminating pure Hate - served piping hot, just like Grandma used to make it

Well, my grandma anyway

Yesterday, we were treated to this -




And a few days before that -




It's a shame that the Standard's crack journalism team didn't have enough room to finish the headline '... in Australia'

Apparently, running a quality London newspaper consists of performing a series of Google searches for unfavourable news stories about Muslims from around the world and slapping them up on your front page.

Smooth.

So, not much chance of the Standard reporting the discovery of a white supremacist's bomb factory in Lancashire the other day

... No Muslims

Which is a shame as the bomb factory happened to include some real weapons and real bomb-making ingredients which would have made for a nice change from the usual.

... Mais, n'est pas des Muslims

Bugger

Still, the Standard is in good company in neglecting to report this particular story - the BBC, the national dailies, pretty much the entire mainstream media...

-

A couple of people I have spoken with recently have (gently) taken me to task for mouthing off against anti-Muslim hate, both on and off line. I may be running the risk of allowing a misplaced sense of Political Correctness leaving me sounding anti British, anti Christian, anti Semitic, anti American, anti whatever...

Bollocks

That 'You're either with us or against us' crap, in all its many guises, is the single most useful deceit employed to keep ordinary people at each other's throats.

Hate is always Hate, wherever it comes from and whoever its directed at. And I despair at just how many people are apparently being sucked in by the latest campaign to set one group of people against another for pleasure and profit. This poison is identical to the bile spouted in Europe 70 years ago and anybody with any sense or understanding of history should be really, and I mean really, concerned about where this is all leading to.

That's not to say that the Hate Mongers and their backers don't have a sense of humour. How else can you explain Ruth Kelly of all people being made 'Communities Secretary' ...

Muslim groups which prove they are trying to outlaw extremism within their ranks are to receive financial support, Communities Secretary Ruth Kelly says

What a marvellous jape; have a full card-carrying space-alien member of Opus Dei speak out against extremist religious ideology.

Ruth Kelly MP

Alien visitor from the Forest Moon of Endor

Somebody is most definitely having a laugh

I wonder if Ruth was wearing her strap-on whilst giving her latest speech

More London pavement art

A Great Philosopher once said something along the lines of 'If you look at the world around you with the right eyes you can see beauty in anything...'

He obviously didn't travel on the Northern Line

-

Ah, those comforting words that remind you that your life isn't as awful as it could be -

'Attention! Attention! Would the contract cleaner please make their way to Platform One...'

London ... it's paved with gold

A while ago I mentioned that I had started 'collecting' pictures of Ben Wilson's chewing gum art. I eventually bagged 200+ before I stopped having cause to visit High Barnet - the spiritual home of acrylic coated gum.

And, unfortunately, since then I haven't been able to get out much. Which is a real shame as we appear to be living through a Golden Age of Pavement Beautification here in London.

First, grafitti started heading floor-wards...



Then Ben started his gum pics...




Later on the Little People blogspot got going (and just gets better and better)...




and now... toast




Marvellous

I can't wait to see what the next bored sod with a digital camera and time on their hands comes up with next.

Scarves n Stuff pt1

One day, a few years ago, we were sitting outside the visitors centre at a National Park in Kentucky waiting for a tour to start when my other half pointed out an unusually dressed family also waiting for a tour. Maybe they were Amish, maybe they were Mennonites, maybe they were something else. I’m no expert. They certainly looked the part – a bearded patriarch of a husband, a wife half his age and three daughters, all dressed like it was 1860; sitting quietly and minding their own business.

“Cool”, I thought

For reasons that shouldn’t need explaining, I didn’t take any pictures of them

Other people did not feel quite so inhibited and after a few minutes a small crowd of gaping morons had gathered around the family, snapping away - some of them even going so far as to instruct their partners and children to stand next to the family to get in the shot.

It was like feeding time at the zoo.

Even though it was none of my business I got really, really annoyed, stomped over to the crowd, started taking photos of the morons taking pictures of the family and called out to my girlfriend to stand next to ‘these fucking idiots over here so that I can take a picture and show the people back home’.

It wasn’t a pleasant scene. My Dearest wasn’t having any of it. The Amish/ Mennonites began to look even more uncomfortable and the crowd started to look nasty on top of moronic.

Fortunately, before I really hit my stride, the tour buses turned up and everyone went their own separate ways.

It wasn’t that I was annoyed at the other people for wanting to take pictures of the unusual looking family – I’ve fallen prey to those kind of urges plenty of times – it was the complete and total lack of respect for them as human beings that was so shameful. The photographers didn’t have the common decency to either...

a) Ask permission before taking the pictures, or
b) At least be sneaky about it

instead they just carried on as if that family was a paid exhibit or, nearer to the mark, dumb animals.

What the entire episode drummed home to me was that if you are a little different to the herd, the herd has absolutely no problem with treating you like non people.

So, it doesn't take a mind-stretching exercise in empathy to understand why the Amish, or the Mennonites, prefer to live in their own tight-knit little communities rather than put up with crap like that every day.

I was reminded of this story partly because of all the bonus attention the most recent school massacre in the States is receiving because the victims were Amish (i.e. Freaks) but I am also reminded because of the latest heap of horse manure our beloved former foreign secretary is shovelling...

Cabinet Minister Jack Straw has waded further into the row over his call for Muslim women to remove their veils by saying he would like the garments to be discarded totally.

Apparently, such a move would improve community relations and facilitate improved ‘face to face’ communication.

Well, dark sunglasses and facial hair must be right out then too.

And so the sustained campaign to blame Muslims for all our ills trundles on. I'm not 100% sure where the politicians and media are taking us on this one but whatever the destination is I'm pretty sure it's going to be vile.

So, British Muslims aren’t feeling alienated because our government accuses entire communities of tacitly supporting terrorists or because we have been party to the slaughter of thousands of innocents across Asia and the Middle East in fucked up, ill-conceived wars. It's not even because Jack Straw's own government has packed in so many lovely cheap migrants, Muslim and non Muslim, and sticking them in ghettoes over the last ten years that any prospect of painlessly assimiliating them into our society (whatever that is) was extinguished long ago.

Nope.

It’s because their women wear fucking scarves

Playing the trivial/ irrelevant difference card, eh? It never fails does it.

You’re a right old cunt Jack

Handshake with a dangerous nutter -
What on Earth possessed Robert Mugabe?

One of those rare moments you wish 5 years would pass in a flash

A mate just emailed me with a link to the following story with an accompanying comment ‘One of those rare moments you wish 5 years would pass in a flash...’

LONDON (Reuters) - Imagine being able to check instantly whether or not statements made by politicians were correct. That is the sort of service Google Inc. boss Eric Schmidt believes the Internet will offer within five years.

Which was nice timing, as I was still seething about Hazel Blear’s performance on BBC's Question Time the night before.




To cut a long story short, Hazel told one or two wee fib-ettes about some fairly serious issues.

OK, I passed the point of expecting government ministers to show signs of shame or embarrassment when telling lies long ago. Nor do I expect very much in the way of challenge to government whoppers from TV presenters or supposed opposition figures, any more than I would take the outcome of a WWF wrestling match at all seriously.

Hazel Blears, MP

Vibrosuck 2000 blow-up Safety, Justice and Tolerance doll

(no overtones of Stalinism, '1984' or the Big Lie technique in
this picture - no siree Jimbob)

But, still, there is some tiny part of me that expects, that wants, some manifestation of the Universal Spirit that animates all Existence to reach out and do something to reestablish some form of cosmic balance. An earthquake in the TV studio, the appearance of a small black hole that sucks the shameless, blood-stained deceivers into another dimension of Eternal Torment, a big booming voice calling out ‘That’s bollocks Hazel’ from the Heavens, something, anything.

Not a chance.

So much for Karma.

And I wouldn’t place too much faith in Google or any other corporation ever being able to serve as much of a Karma proxy either...

A few weeks ago I posted a link to a Myspace hosted clip of George Carlin explaining how the World really works. Presumably he did far too good a job as the link doesn’t work any more.



Let’s see how long the clip lasts in its new home here…

The smooth sound of Cheese

Whilst grazing through some Russia-related stories on the wires earlier on today one piece in particular caught my eye…

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Russia should shut down a pirate music Web site that is robbing U.S. recording companies of sales if it wants to become a member of the World Trade Organisation, the top U.S. trade official said on Wednesday.

"I have a hard time imagining Russia becoming a member of the WTO and having a Web site like that up and running that is so clearly a violation of everyone's intellectual property rights," U.S. Trade Representative Susan Schwab told reporters after a speech to a services industry organisation.

Schwab's office earlier this year identified allofmp3.com as one the world's most notorious marketplaces for pirated goods. Last week, she singled out the Web site as the "poster child" for illegal music sales over the Internet.

Anyone who has spent any length of time dealing with an overseas based call centre, or had their job outsourced to some 3rd World dictatorship, or paid Developed World prices for something manufactured by five year olds in Jakarta might like to mull over how this globalization thing works out in practice…

Apparently, it is OK to pay two hundred quid for an ipod assembled by people earning Chinese wage rates

But it is most definitely not OK to pay Russian prices for music to put on that ipod

Seems perfectly logical and fair enough to me.

Strictly in the interest of market research, I’ve just spent a happy half hour browsing through allofmp3.com.

It’s really quite well put together

And cheap as chips

But, best of all, the site allows you to share full length previews of all your favourite songs, including my latest discovery Richard Cheese and Lounge Against the Machine.

In the words of Wikipedia…

The band specializes in playing lounge-style covers of recent popular rock and rap tunes, including those with offensive lyrical content

Sadly, Dick’s outstanding covers of Holiday in Cambodia and Personal Jesus are not yet available on allofmp3.com, but these are…

Sunday Bloody Sunday (U2)

Gin n Juice (Snoop Dogg)

Rape Me (Nirvana)

If anyone is interested, the full album is available for $1.91 from allofmp3, or five times as much from itunes, or probably ten times as much if you use the UK itunes site.

Cable Street

I've just watched a cracking video clip of the Battle of Cable Street which took place 70 years ago today. The combination of period dress, vintage street violence and the clipped narration works well. There's some particularly fine baton work from horse-mounted police midway through (it's not as easy as it looks).

Depending on which way you look at it, as demonstrated by the comments at the foot of this BBC article on the anniversary, the Battle of Cable Street was either...

• a high point for the ordinary people fighting back against racist fascism

or

• suppression of the age-old British right to free speech by a violent mob

Personally, I've little doubt that Mosely was a twat and I can totally understand why some of the residents of the East End, particularly European Refugees, would have had issues with the march. But, having said that, Mosely-style fascism failed to take root in this country because British people didn't take to that sort of thing, not because some of his supporters got a good kicking one day.

It's fun to watch though.

And let's not forget that, less than three years after Cable Street, British Communists tacitly condoned the Nazi invasion of Poland because Stalin was still best mates with Hitler and told them to. So much for the Polish prolitariat, eh comrades?

My take on the Battle of Cable Street is that lots of ordinary, somewhat misguided, people - communists, fascists, refugees, and police - spent the day whacking the shit out of each other whilst the people pulling their strings sat down with their whisky and sodas and had a right old laugh.

The prospect of a few thousand people hitting each other on the head with bricks rather than hitting you on the head with bricks must be quite sublime.

And the one thing thought you must never, never, permit those ordinary people to entertain is the notion that they all basically want the same things from life and that finding common cause would not be all that difficult - if they put their minds to it and strung up a few of their leaders, and their leaders, beforehand.

Nobody thinks that they are the bad guy

After the War, the architecture of Cable Street was 'improved' by the kind of people who didn't get any bricks in their faces and it's now more of a crap hole reeking of social exclusion than it ever was.



And whilst on the subject of grainy black and white videos from Britain's Golden Age when people knew their place and old ladies could walk safely on the streets...

• George Formby connossieurs will enjoy this clip of him performing a cover of Motorhead's Ace of Spades

• Fans of London ghettoes that achieved a modicum of fame off the back of fascism sixty or seventy years ago will enjoy this classic video - The Lambeth Walk

... the story goes that Goebbels, a man who understood a thing or two about human psychology, went mental and stormed out of the cinema when he first saw it (The Lambeth Walk not the Motorhead cover). The moral of the tale being that taking the piss out of wankers in uniforms is, sometimes, far mightier than the sword. If for no other reason than they usually have bigger swords.

She'll follow you anywhere

Thanks to the person who after reading that last post emailed me a link to this handy primer on how to drink like a Russian and stay sober

Russian Blog: How to drink vodka and stay sober

The secret is, apparently, lots of raw eggs and a glass of pickle brine the morning after.

Some of the readers' comments are especially erudite and informative.

And, thanks to the power of the Internet, after I finished reading Russian Blog one click naturally led to another and I soon found myself grazing through a particularly fine collection of vintage advertising posters from more innocent, and sometimes significiantly less innocent, times here.






Weren't people silly back then. Not clever like we are now.