Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Not an axiomatic process

As mentioned in a previous post, the Beta test of the 10 Downing Street Internet petition service has attracted a good number of sarcastic submissions.

It's almost as if there are people out there who think that the Prime Minister doesn't give a damn about what we all think and that the whole petition exercise is a bit of a farce.

However, over a million people didn't take such a cynical point of view, signed a petition to 'Scrap the planned vehicle tracking and road pricing policy'

... and were promptly given the finger

Asked what happens to petitions on the Downing Street website, the PMOS (Prime Minister's Official Spokesperson) replied that they became part of the policy process and part of the overall context in which decisions were taken. He added that they were a welcome addition to the ability of citizens to communicate directly with government. There was no axiomatic process in which a petition would be submitted and the government then agreed, that was not the way it worked.

Asked if the Prime Minister was dismayed at the scale of the petition, the PMOS replied that people did feel strongly about this issue, but feeling strongly was not a substitute for coming up with practical proposals. It was the duty of government to come up with practical proposals, and to explain to people why the proposals were necessary, and to work through how they might be carried out.

it's back to taking the piss then ...

We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to STOP THE E PETITIONS TEAM FROM CENSORING E PETITIONS.
Submitted by M JONES

Status: This petition has been rejected because:
It was an issue for which an e-petition is not the appropriate channel

Other rejected petitions include

"We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to..."
  • officially recognise Pete's mum an official public resource
  • answer all Parliamentary questions in verse during National Poetry Week to encourage public interest in both poetry and parliament
  • Free the Chicken People!
  • Build a very noisy prison for noisy & inconsiderate neighbours
  • Make Jon West the (k)ing of England, because he would be good
  • Remove the green sweets from Starburst and to reinstate the Opal Fruits brand name
  • Ban old people in towns and city centres during weekday lunch hours
  • Change police sirens to the Benny Hill theme music (my favourite)
  • stop being a reptile puppet and wise up and help us save the world!!! (that would be David Icke presumably)
  • Provide every person of 70 years of age with a Grey Squirrel
  • Change 'Holloway Road' of North London to 'Chuck Norris Road' (my 2nd favourite)

Chuck Norris ... Hard but probably not as hard, and definitely not as skanky, as the Holloway Road

  • Stop electromagnetic, microwave weapon
  • Stopp torturing me by the electromagnetic microwave weapon (same guy)
  • Stop electromagnetic, microwave harressmant (I really don't think he's joking)
  • Legalise Otter clubbing
  • Legalise gay incest
  • Let mice be allowed free travel on public transport
  • nip round this weekend and give me a hand put me new windows in and paint the bog
  • insist that Mr. Mark Gary Banham of Aylesbury, Buckinghamshire, wash more frequently than once a year
  • Congratulate himself for taking the tough choices government forces upon people and toppling one of the worst regiems in the world, namely Iraq and supporting the silent marjority in so doing.
  • just go now

If the parallel universe hypothesis is correct somewhere out there there is a Bizarro Britain where all of these things have come to pass and what a wonderful place it would be, unless you're an otter that is

Otter Wars Episode IV - The Otter Strikes back

It is surely only a matter of time before people start using the Downing Street E-petition system to sell their cars, meet new friends and market speciality escort services...

"We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to call Naughty Nina on 07906 784151 because he has been a very bad boy (all major credit cards accepted)"

The petition "We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to press our loyal intelligence agencies to task on finding out just how much fucking Horlicks Mark Urban does drink before he can get to sleep at night" has not yet been rejected because I haven't submitted it yet...


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