Thursday, October 21, 2004

Ironing machines ...


Fully qualified ironing machine with trainee ironing machine
.
I'm an anti-evolutionist.
.
Big time.
.
Which at first sight may be surprising. I hold a masters in Geophysics and did a Geology degree before that. I do not come from the Deep South, am not called Bubba and do not chew tobacco, well not deliberately.
.
I oppose evolution on several grounds; there's no real hard evidence to support it, it sucks on a philosphical and moral level and last, but not least, it's just plain nonsense.
.
Evolutionary thinking is rammed down our throats largely because it presents a view of an essentially pointless, material universe. This suits companies as well as governments because if we believe in this world view then it is oh so much easier to control us through those popular favourite human weaknesses; greed and fear.
.
On a deep level most people don't buy what they've been told. If we really, and I mean really, thought of ourselves purely as temporary collections of molecules put together by random forces in an essentially random universe we would all behave very differently. Murder? Why not? It's not like you're doing anything wrong is it? The Universe is destined to suffer cosmic heat death in a few billion years anyway. What difference would it make if you returned your boss or that guy who pushed in front of you on the train this morning to his component parts a year or two early? What really is right or wrong anyway?
.
No, most people in the enlightened, developed world don't really believe in the implications of evolution. We mock religious thinking but happily live in societies only held together by principles derived directly from religion. Doubethink is an essential requirement of successful modern life.
.
Anyway, The Theory of Evolution tells us that all living things are the product of random mutation and the natural selection of those mutations which are somehow beneficial. Living things may look like that they're been designed but that's only an illusion arising from ignorance; a tiger's eye, a bird's wing, human self-awareness itself, are mere products of blind luck and competition.
.
If that's the case why can't I buy an ironing machine?
.
My first ever ironing machine, my mother, is a true multi-purpose random collection of molecules. Not only can she iron, she cooks, sings (badly) and worries about me. My second ever ironing machine, Tracy, doesn't cook quite as well, has an even worse singing voice, worries about me less but, in her favour, she does use that little ironing board attachment to do shirt sleeves, that my mother never bothers with.
.
But, hey, if modern science can explain the unintelligent 'design' of koala bears and courgettes why can't it apply the same principles to designing me an ironing machine that I don't have to buy birthday presents for or beg to do the ironing? Surely, it would be a simple case of writing a straightforward design program with a few target parameters, entering in descriptive data of, say, a paperclip and running the package on a supercomputer somewhere. The program would replicate billions of random mutations to the paperclip, select those which adapted it to the objective parameters and, over a large number of iterations, come up with the final blueprints for a supremely adapted ironing machine. Once that baby was out of the way we could then move onto a virus resistant version of Windows and a script for a Star Wars or Matrix sequel that didn't blow.
.
Don't hold your breath and keep buying birthday presents for whoever does your ironing
.

No comments: