Friday, October 29, 2004

Cheap Beer and Fags Parallelogram

Tracy getting ready to entertain Our Boys

The news is full of stories of British troops moving into the 'Triangle of Death' on the outskirts of Baghdad this week.
Mmmmm, interesting name for a place, I thought. Who uses it? Who came up with it?

A quick search on Google and I'm none the wiser. Apparently the term 'Triangle of Death' is only used by journalists.

Traditionally, squaddies shy away from coming up with nicknames for places that include words like 'Death' or 'Mutilation'. Sometimes they'll be ironic, e.g. Happy Valley, sometimes they'll name a place after its resemblance to something e.g. 'T Bone Hill, and sometimes they'll give a place an English name because they can't pronounce the local one e.g. Ypres/ Wipers. Rarely do they choose to remind themselves that they will probably die there.

Military commanders also shy away from bumming their troops out by setting objective names like 'Triangle of Death'; preferring snappy titles like 'Objective Orange', 'Hill 471' or, um, Baghdad.

So, a call from Stef to the World's media oganisations. Stop giving places in Iraq such downer names. Would you torment a line of cows waiting their turn in a slaughterhouse? Of course not. That would be cruel. Try and come up with some more upbeat nicknames for places that give Our Boys something to look forward to. Here are a few suggestions ...

'Listen men. Today's twin objectives are The Isoceles Triangle of T*tty Bars and The Parallelogram of Cheep Beer and Fags. Our heavy armour will proceed along Lap Dance Lane, tactically distributing Iraqi Freedom Dollars as they feel to be appropriate. Meanwhile, the infantry will simultaneously make their way, slowly, along BJ Boulevard, pausing briefly at The Cone of Copulation and the Sky Sports Semi-Circle, where they can watch the Manchester United match and pick up some local souvenirs for their kids.'

PS For any Americans bumping into this page. The word 'fag' in the UK has a different meaning to the US. In England a 'fag' is the term used to describe someone who procures catamites for pederasts.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

A far more common meaning of 'fag' in Britain is cigarette - eg ' just popping down the shops for a pack of fags'. (Cheap beer and fags makes more sense in this context... not as funny though!)