Friday, October 15, 2004

Introducing Prime Minister Ragnar the Invincible


Trafalgar Square
(no connection to this post - not that I'm consciously aware of anyway)
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I took a few minutes off from Iraqi Conflict and British Parliamentary coverage to watch Antonio Banderas in the 13th Warrior last night. Then back to the political coverage.
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The 13th Warrior is not a very good film but it does feature a brave Vi
king chief who saves his village by defeating two serious bad guys in two separate and serious fights. For the second fight he lifts himself painfully out of his sick bed, does the business, then expires. His job done.
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Now that's what leadership is all about; not telling your followers to do something you wouldn't do yourself. Holding your position by virtue of being the strongest and most resourceful of your people. Always ready to defend your position against challengers through trial by combat.
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Why did we ever give up on this system of Government? In an alternate universe Tony 'Bloodaxe' Blair would have challenged Saddam 'Iron Fist' Hussein to single combat to the death, Two Tribes style, and we could all have watched the match on television.
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Of course, times changed, well in the developed world anyway. Chiefs (why isn't it chieves?) became Kings, their unworthy offspring inherited their titles and retained them through nominated champions and then armies. The concept of our leaders being our best and strongest conveniently, for our leaders, fell out of fashion. Anyway, as the World became more sophisticated, a leader's intellectual strength arguably counted for more than his physical prowess. Let's face it, Napoleon was a short-arse, but he did the business. Maybe we should hold a 60 million entrant, super knock-out, pub quiz to select our leadership.
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Yes, our leaders certainly need brains in this complicated, confusing World. And so we pass logically onto the subject of Prince Harry's A levels.
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First off, you've got to feel sorry for the bloke. He's a ghinger and he hasn't got those Val Kilmer/ Princess Diana love-child good looks his brother came equipped with. He's the biggest No.2 in the country. The guy's destined to being a joke all of his life, that is unless William falls for a divorced hag, well-versed in mysterious tantric sex techniques, and abdicates; like his Great Great Uncle ... and, errrr, his Dad. They even gave him a flippant name to match his flippant destiny, perfectly. 'Hooray Harry off his face again'. 'Hip Hip Harry! King's Brother found legless in Bangkok Jig-a-Jig Bar!'. It's all there in the future; so strong that he can probably close his eyes and taste it right now.
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I don't mind that Harry's been accused of cheating at his A levels. If true, that indicates a welcome degree of animal cunning and a healthy recognition of one's own limitations. No, what bothers me is that, after attending the most exclusive school in the World AND cheating, he only managed to come out with two A levels; a 'D' in Geography and a 'B' in Art.

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The second worrying thing is that these qualifications enabled him to be enrolled for officer training at Sandhurst, the most exclusive military school in the World; presumably on the basis that his artwork was really scary and that the ability to write 'D' standard essays on Ox Bow Lakes is a vital military accomplishment. We then are led to believe that he subsequently somehow passed the entrance exams. Come on, who are they trying to kid? Presumably he will graduate and at some point in the future be responsible for a platoon of soldiers. Now that's a really scary thought.
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In many ways he reminds me of someone I knew a few years ago. It would be unfair to name names but he came from a very famous family indeed. He was just embarking on a business career after leaving the Navy. He would joke that he felt obliged to leave the Navy after 'pranging a frigate'. I thought that was his little joke until I discovered later that he really had crashed a frigate. He was also a graduate of the University of Buckingham, which was peculiar because I'd never heard of it (speaking as a man who attended three different universities, I was a bit of an expert). It turns out that the University of Buckingham is the only independent university in the UK, does degree courses that last only two years and will let you in regardless of how academically challenged you might be. Only the cheque matters. Yes, there are some members of the British Aristocracy who couldn't get into Oxford or Cambridge even if the only barrier to entry was finding their location in a road atlas. Now, tell me, wouldn’t it be fun if you could challenge them to all that they owned through mortal combat or a few rounds of Trivial Pursuit?
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