Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Hospital Passes (revisited)

During the last general election, a few Conservative-voting friends of mine explained away their party’s dismal campaign performance with an explanation along the lines of…

‘The Tories are waiting for the Labour party to really fuck the country up. The last thing they want to do is take over the government just before a major recession. They’ll skip this election and aim to get elected next time’

If true, this is a cunning plan.

Rugby fans will be familiar with the concept of the ‘Hospital Pass’. I was an outstandingly crap rugby player and the only time anyone on my team ever tossed me the ball was when it came accompanied by four members of the opposing team and much pain.

The only potential flaws in the Tory masterplan are

  • They were one general election too early
  • The Labour party are onto their game and have already pre-emptively embarked upon ‘Operation Lose The Next General Election Like a Bastard’ with all the energy that they can muster

In the few days since I’ve come back from holiday we’ve been treated to

  • People being arrested for selling titles in exchange for cash donations to the Labour party
  • The Health Minister claiming our health service has just had its best year ever whilst at the same time presiding over hospital closures and redundancies
  • The Home Secretary admitting to releasing 1,000 foreign nationals, including convicted murderers, rapists, drug dealers and kiddie fiddlers, out of our prisons and into the community without deportation. He also freely admits to not knowing where the majority of them now are
  • Deputy Prime Minister, Honest John Prescott owning up to knobbing his secretary after the Office Christmas party and continuing to knob her, off and on, in his government flat

And God knows what else

John Prescott connoisseurs the World over will treasure the following quote for all Eternity …

Ms Temple's boyfriend, lorry driver Barrie Williams, 46, told the Daily Mirror: "I just can't believe that my darling Tracey has been sleeping with John Prescott behind my back.

I’ve just had a root around Google looking for an image of Blair and Prescott together. Unsurprisingly, there’s not much doing...

So I’ve decided to make do with this one instead

Anyway, if the Tories are serious about losing the next Election they really have to put their skates on and engage in ritual child sacrifice, smear themselves in fresh kitten blood or something else of that order. They’re up against real pros.

2 comments:

Wolfie said...

Excellent post Stef, really made me laugh out loud.

Daniel said...

Ditto! You hit the nail on the head.