Heaviest post of the week

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OK, one more long-winded, far too serious, post and then I'll devote myself to finding more pictures of rocks shaped liked tadgers and other, more 'surfer-friendly', material …
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I'm still pondering upon a comment made on one of my posts yesterday. Because of a certain negative posture I was assuming, the guy making the comment assumed that I was a consumer of the Right Wing newspapers.
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Like countless millions of people out there the guy is labouring under the mistaken delusion that such concepts as Right and Left wing politics still exist in the World.
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Baaarrrrrr. Wrong.
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In the good old days you could pretty much know what position an individual would take on any issue, based on their stated political beliefs.
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It's not so easy these days is it?
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Take the Iraq War for instance. Is a pro war stance consistent with Left Wing or Right Wing politics?
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Or the adoption of a single currency for Europe? This policy has been embraced by some Left Wing politicians but others see it, rightly, as paving the way for further globalisation; enabling exploitation of workers and populations by facilitating the easy movement of capital.
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Or compulsory identity cards in the UK? Surely Right Wingers would love them? Nope, many British Conservatives see them as a threat to individual liberties. As do many Lefties.
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GM Food? Nope, many UK Conservatives reject that as well. As do many Lefties.
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And so on. And so on. Individuals who would previously have been described as Right and Left Wing have acres of common ground and share opinions on a wide range of issues. In many ways, the old distinctions are virtually meaningless.
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The real political battle of the future is between globalised corporate power and individuals and their communities. Does a few pence on the rate of income tax, up or down, and redistribution of a little national wealth to the poorest income groups really mean very much when stacked up against questions of globalisation, the environment or the freedom of the individual? Not really.
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The social changes that are now taking place across the World benefit only a tiny number of people. To pull it off, they have the con the rest of us on a gigantic scale. And, so far, they're doing a really excellent job.
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The ultimate goal is to breed a readily manipulated population of consumers and workers; only just smart enough to operate their television remote controls, use a credit card and nothing else. One day, one bright glorious day, we will all be forged into a single, homogenous, slab of material, the properties of which will be known to the highest precision; like cast iron, or bubblegum.
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That is why we have witnessed onslaughts on organised religion, family life and social institutions, and a dumbing down of education and the media. Diversity, True diversity, must also be suppressed. It's easy enough to identify the institutions and belief systems that have been smashed or discredited over the last fifty years, but it is much, much more difficult to identify any benevolent institutions or frameworks that have been put in their place.
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F*ck it. I endured Catholic schools for 13 years and, even after that, I'd choose the Vatican over Accenture, or Halliburton, or Nike, or The New Labour Party, any day. If you're dealing with priests rather than corporate types, there's at least a small chance that one of them isn't a bastard.
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The techniques employed are numerous and diverse. A little bit of fear; Commies one year, Fundamentalists the next. A vision of liberation from past inequalities. The chance to own some toys.
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But life doesn't get any better. Not really. We consume much more but we're no happier. The fear never goes away. The toys are out of date almost straight away and the liberation of women seems a hollow victory when you consider that households now need two incomes in societies where, in the past, one income would do. The kids don’t see their parents much.
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And that's why the developed World is gobbling increasing amounts of Prozac every year.
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Marx didn’t really have much to say about anything like this.
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I was watching a film about the evacuation of Dunkirk yesterday. What struck me most was the underlying theme of social cohesion that came across. I'm not about to glamorise past inequalities or pretend that the past was perfect, but the plain fact was that British people shared common ownership of certain beliefs and institutions.
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What do we share now? A lot of us shop at Tesco's and watch Big Brother but that's about it. Our society is now extremely fragmented and I do not believe that we are better off as a result. Do many of us now believe that there are any ideas or institutions worth risking our lives for? Breaking a finger nail for?
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I read an academic paper a few weeks ago that drew a connection between social cohesion and welfare systems. America has a high proportion of minority groups, something like a third of its population, and consequently has a poorly developed welfare state. Sweden is full of Swedes and has a famously generous welfare system. The conclusion of the paper was that populations will support a welfare system, through taxation, as long as they believe 'people like them' are drawing from it in times of need. The paper estimated that this consensus would break down if 25-30% of a population is composed of alien groups. The authors of the paper have a left-wing, liberal background.
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The ethnic minority population of London is now somewhere just above 40%. I know of nowhere else in the World that has so many people, from so many different places, all thrown together in such a short space of time. We're talking less than ten years here.
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While I buy into the general thrust of the social cohesion argument, I don't think it is something that can be readily quantified. Decent people will readily see people as 'being like them', regardless of their race, creed or sex, provided they share common values. London could be composed of 100% ethnic minorities and still work fine; provided those communities occupied enough common ground to feel that they all shared fairly in supporting and being supported by common institutions.
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Hands up any Londoners (real Londoners) who think that's going on in London right now?
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Different communities in London share little common ground. Strong, self-reliant, faith-bound communities feel under threat, either from the Government or the 'progressive' media, and many of those in work and paying taxes, whatever their race, think they're being ripped-off to support a growing population of spongers.
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The fact that everyone shops in Tesco's and watches Big Brother is not enough to keep it all together in the long term. Shared values? The multitude of different communities represented, say, in my part of London don’t even talk to each other. There also seem to be a lot of people here just long enough to pick up some tax free cash earnings and free medical treatment, paid for by those of us who have declared their earnings, before buggering off back to wherever they came from.
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And I really can't blame them. Uniquely amongst developed countries, British society is permeated with a self-loathing for its institutions, history and indigenous culture that I find hard to believe or stomach. We've been taught to be embarrassed by own flag, our past, our system of government and our laws. National pride is associated with xenophobia and racism. If that sounds extreme, pick up a Britsh newspaper, watch a British current affairs program or listen to a British politician and listen to what they are saying. Why should anyone settling in this country buy into that?
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Personally, I love the vision of a common community composed of individual vibrant, self-confident ethnic groups, all covered by and buying into a shared umbrella of traditional British values of justice, tolerance and compassion. We were on track for something like that 10 or 15 years ago. What we're working on now is a huge, resentful, insecure mush. The big companies and politicians must be loving it.
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So. Left Wing or Right Wing? I know a lot of people who feel extremely nervous discussing these matters for fear of being labelled a racist. Am I being racist? If so which race have I criticised? All races? Particular races? If so which ones?
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Drive-by stabbing in NE London

Bemused American tourists jabbing the Diana Memorial Fountain with sticks

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A knife wielding schizo-boy cut down six people at random today in North East London. The attacker was car-based and seemed to be modelling his technique on the classic American drive-by, only with a knife rather than a gun. So far, one of the victims has died and the others are critical. Reading through the initial accounts I was struck by this line …

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Chief Superintendent Simon O'Brien said the first victim was a man who was walking to the station to go to work. "He had just left his girlfriend when he was stabbed a couple of times in the back. He thought he had been punched and carried on."

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That says so much about life in London. 'Oh, some random stranger has punched me in the back. Never mind I'll just carry on to work. Oh, I'm bleeding, maybe I should do something about it after all.'
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A friend mentioned that someone spat on him from a car a few weeks ago, apparently just because he was wearing a work suit. In hindsight, he should count himself lucky.
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Earlier in the week, a shop keeper was stabbed to death in the same part of London over the theft of a couple of bottles of spirits. Looking over the current 'Christmas Special' issue of the South London Press this week, the only Christmassy elements I have identified involve knife attacks and rapes in the vicinity of seasonal decorations. As a general rule of thumb, we're looking at one particularly nasty knife murder in London every week, in a city where such things were once a novelty. People got cut up, sure enough, but not killed.
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Have I mentioned elsewhere in this blog how much I love what London has become?
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I think I probably have. I'm quite sure because someone commented on one of my anti-Olympic postings earlier on this week. He said that it was sad that someone like me was so negative about the city in which I live; one of the five great cities of the World. He was very polite and tried his very best to counter my point of view without wanting to seem aggressive or judgmental. I respect that and I won't give him too much shit.
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However. He deserves a small pipette full of shit. The implication of the comment seemed to me that I was at fault, not the changes that have overcome my home town.
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First off. He appears to be Manchester-based, which means he doesn’t know what it's like to live in London and isn’t looking forward to paying out hundreds in extra tax to pay for the Olympics.
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Secondly, he suggests that my negative outlook is the result of falling under the malign influence of the Two Ugly Sisters - The Daily Express and The Daily Mail. For those not familiar with these two newspapers they are a) Hysterical and b) So Right Wing that they occasionally feature articles that criticise Hitler and General Franco for being too soft.
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No. I don’t read that dross. Nor do I read the equally deceitful and disgraceful Guardian, so beloved of middle class liberals, either. All newspapers are rubbish and the only time I open one is to look at the TV listings or if I'm working with glue.
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I know London has become a terrible place to live in because I have lived here, on and off, all my life and it has become a terrible place to live in. I don’t need some middle class tosspot journalist of either persuasion to tell me what's going on outside my front door. Actually, what's currently going on outside my front door is that junkies have been shooting up outside my bedroom window for the umpteenth time this month.
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I was listening to a talk radio show a few weeks ago and the topic of conversation was 'Advice to give young American women moving into London'. I think some movie star or another was talking about buying a flat here. The advice form the callers was wide-ranging and featured such sarcastic tips as:
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'Don’t go jogging in Victoria Park'
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'Don’t use public transport in Richmond'
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'Don’t walk along any canals near Kings Cross'
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'Stay at home'
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… in memory of some of the succession of now deceased foreign young women who have seen 'Notting Hill' once too often, moved into London and carried on under the mistaken impression that a very large proportion of this city is not really scary and really dangerous.
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But if the rise in violent crime doesn’t deter the budding Wannabe Cockney, how about some corruption and mismanagement?
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I know the Olympic bid is corrupt and, if successful, destined to become a colossal white elephant because every public project in London in recent years has been a corrupt white elephant. I've watched the Millennium Bridge wobble. I've gazed at the empty Dome and the multi-zillion pound and equally empty tube station that went with it. I've scoffed at the Diana Memorial Fountain and the dozen staff that have had to be employed to stop people breaking their necks on it. I've also helped pay for it all; my property taxes have doubled in six years, it now costs me just under five pounds to travel three stops on the Tube and back, and I now have to pay just under four pounds for the privilege of having someone park outside my front door, etc etc.
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The whole management of The Tube has become particularly surreal. Tube drivers earn £30-35,000 pa (roughly 50-75% more than a nurse or schoolteacher) plus extras and get 52 days holiday a year. They're going on strike over the holiday period. I don’t need to read the Daily Mail to help me make up my mind about what I think about that bunch.
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Nobody in London has been given a chance to vote on whether they want the Olympics here, even though it is being underwritten by us and, unlike the Athens Olympics or the Commonwealth Games in Manchester, the cost is not being spread outside of London. I have yet to speak with a Londoner who wants the Olympics here or believes that it would be a success. Yet, once again, public concerns are ignored.
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My local MP, Kate Hoey, was on television last week talking about the Olympic bid. She's a Labour MP and presumably doesn’t read the Daily Mail or The Daily Express:
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"The inevitable thing over the next six months will be the hype about London's bid and how we're going to win by miles - the inevitability is Paris will win,"
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"Longer term we should host an Olympics sometime but not at the moment because I don't think we are ready.
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"We don't deserve it and Paris does."
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"If we want to regenerate London, regenerate London, but don't wait for 123 IOC members to decide we're going to regenerate it,"
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"I think the Olympics should be the icing on the cake of a wonderful sporting infrastructure in the country. We don't have that yet."
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I love you Kate Hoey.
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Reality is hypertext

Manly Kebabs, available in Sydney

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Following on from my synchronicity post of a couple of days ago, discussing possible non-boring explanations for synchronous 'coincidences', I have a new possible explanation …
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7. Reality is a hypertext document
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Yes, we are all subconsciously reading and writing cosmic html. That would explain why sometimes, for example, I will be discussing the evolutionary implications of black cats then go home and few hours later and watch a TV program that discusses the evolutionary implications of black cats. The two events are hyperlinked, and my consciousness is the link.
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I came up with this concept whilst having a filling replaced in the dentists this afternoon and I tried squinting really hard to see if I could spot any available hotlinks in the surgery. It didn't take my mind off things very much.
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I'm one of those people who's really terrified of visiting the dentists. It's not the pain. It's never about the pain. It's the cost. After stinging me for the the filing, my dentist suggested that I might like to consider an implant to replace a smashed tooth at the back of my mouth. I asked her how much that would cost and, without blinking or giggling, she said 'Oh, just a little over two thousand pounds'. I spluttered and told her, as a joke, that I could have someone killed for two thousand pounds. Unfortunately, I don't think she noticed the humour and the rest of our session fell rapidly downhill from there.
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But I digress.
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Even though I was unsuccessful hotlinking my way to free dental treatment, I wrote the failure off as being the result of being in an unsuitable state of mind. I have a well stocked drinks cabinet at home which can easily be used to rectify that weakness.
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I like this concept a lot and will run with it. If reality really is hypertext then, with the right mental tools, I should be able to do mental Boolean searches for pretty much anything I want …

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FIND "lost house keys" AND ("buried pirate treasure" AND/OR "rich nymphomaniac I could score with") AND "secret of eternal youth"

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When you think about it, that's what prayer is all about really; just one long search string cast into the Search Engine of Eternity, only without the pop-ups and, in my case, fewer pornographic results.

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Oooh, I've come over all profound.
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David Blunkett's Organic Porridge

Blunkett's Porridge Oats - You'd have to be blind not to see how good they are

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Once upon a time there were three little bears; UK Home Secretary Bear, Journalist Bear and Husband Bear.
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"Who's been stirring my porridge?" asked Husband Bear
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"Who's been stirring MY porridge?" asked UK Home Secretary Bear
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"Who's been stirring MY porridge?" asked Journalist Bear
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The answer was, of course children, that they'd all been stirring each other's porridge.
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As the very wonderful Matthew Parris said this week ...
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"It has to be asked: Should heterosexuals be permitted to occupy important or sensitive posts in our country?"

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I'd like to point out, for the record before Kimberley Quinn's diaries are published, that I am one of the handful of heterosexual men living in London who hasn't stirred David Blunkett's porridge or intends to fight a custody battle with him over the paternity of his 'natural' children. Maybe we should form a club.
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Let's all have a pop at the Sikhs

There's a Pilipino party taking place somewhere along my street tonight! And there was me all confused as to whether to use the word Filipino or Philipino when all along it was Pilipino

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In my World, Sikhs and their culture score exceptionally high marks.
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Sikhs are a proud people with a capital P and have a shared history with the British that goes back over 150 years. Sikhism emphasises qualities such a staunchness and service, resulting in a long-standing tradition of military service amongst Sikhs. More than 80,000 Sikhs died fighting for the Allies in the two World Wars and they picked up Victoria Crosses like they were confetti. Going back a bit further during the battle of Saragarhi in 1897, 21 Sikhs, armed only with rifles, held-off then were eventually overcome by 10,000 marauding Afghan tribesmen. Yes, marauding Afghan tribesmen. Yes, 500 to 1.
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Viscount Slim, one of Britain's more enlightened generals, once said "You are never disappointed when you are with Sikh", which was arguably an understatement.

All things considered, these guys are definitely the strong, silent type and it really isn’t advisable to f*ck with them at any time of the day or night.
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If these qualities seem a little old fashioned and conservative there's also the food to consider. Punjabi people are a robust people with robust appetites and their food is like the Punjabis themselves, straightforward, sizeable and hearty with no unnecessary frills or exotic accompaniments. It’s unnecessary. Tandoori cooking is brilliant. Even something as simple as their bread is great. Food is an important cross-cultural bridge and I remember thinking after eating my first plate of Tandoori-style nibbles 'This is brilliant. I must learn more about the people who make food like this'. Really.
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Without going into a full rehash of Sikh culture and tradition it's useful to bear in mind that their religion is important to them and that their temples constitute an important focal point in their life. A few highlights from the Sikh creed …

• Live a householder's life: honest, simple and family oriented. Know your responsibilities and honour these.
• Contribute to the well being of society by offering selfless service without receiving payment and give ten percent of their net income to a charity, poor person or worthy cause
• Avoid the five evils: Pride, Anger , Greed, Attachment to Worldly Goods, and Lust.
• Treat every person as an equal irrespective of caste, creed, gender, profession, social status, age, race, or ability
• Do not be cruel; nor have a negative outlook on life. Always have a Positive Attitude

Golly gee whizz, yet another monotheistic religion that encourages self-reliance, duty and compassion. Are these guys out of touch with the real world or what? Buy shit. Hope your parents die young so that you can sell their house and have a nice holiday. That's where they should be at.
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Almost all Sikh men are named Singh, which means Lion, and carry the 5Ks. I mention this because, back in the dark days of the 1970s, Sikhs stood out like sore thumbs on the streets of Britain. I can’t remember what the K's stand for but they are Sikh words to describe the five things that baptised Sikh men just have to wear at all times - uncut hair, a comb, a bracelet, a natty pair of shorts and, ahem, a sword.
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OK, maybe not a sword as such but a good-sized chopper, up to 9 inches long, nevertheless. This is worth remembering if you ever feel like giving a Sikh a hard time.
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The long hair requirement means that Sikh men wear turbans to keep things nice and tidy. The turban wearing thing is so habitual that it has become an integral symbol of Sikh culture.
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So, there we were in Britain in the 1960s and1970s confronted with, what seemed at the time anyway, a huge influx of migrants from India. The small proportion of my countrymen who had spent time in India or the military had a fair understanding of what Indians were all about and the respect that came with it. The majority however did not. As far as they were concerned all people from the Subcontinent were simply 'pakkies' - Hindu Indians, Punjabi Sikhs, Muslim Bangladeshis and Pakistanis, even some Arabs, they were all the same. They were 'pakkies'. They all had the same names as well; Singh, Patel, what was the bloody difference anyway?
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Quite a lot actually. As an exercise in colossal ignorance, and that's what it was, ignorance, the lack of understanding shown by the British to Indians was remarkable. To different peoples with their own, unique identities and with what they saw as a long history of coexistence with the British in their home country, this must have been extremely offensive. The use of the word 'pakkie' is now restricted to only the most racist of people and understandably so. I get the impression that Americans still use that word when referring to Pakistanis. I'd advise them to drop it.
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I mention all of this because a group of Sikhs took exception to a play being staged in Birmingham this week and several hundred stormed the theatre. The play has now been cancelled on the grounds that further violence was expected and the Birmingham Rep didn't want to run the risk of anyone else being hurt.
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That such a thing could come to pass in a city as well-integrated as Birmingham has come as a shock to many people, including myself. I lived in Birmingham for a few years and enjoyed the atmosphere immensely. The restaurants that line the Ladypool Road indisputably constitute the finest spot on Earth, including India, to have a pint and a curry and the Indian community has given off a sense of being 'settled' for as long as I can remember. Indians of all persuasions and the British have coexisted side by side whilst retaining their own cultures for a long time now; first in India itself and now in the West Midlands and elsewhere. It must be said that the Indians did most of the running. The idea of Indians, particularly Sikh Indians cutting up rough is unthinkable and quite scary. The last time they did that was back in 1857 and it was messy.
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The offending play was written by a young Sikh woman and depicts nasty goings on in a Sikh temple, including a rape. Local Sikhs, particularly older or more conservative Sikhs, were outraged and offended. Their culture gets little airtime in the arts and media and it doesn’t help if what little coverage they do get is unfairly negative.
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The night the play was cancelled I found myself defending the actions of the Sikhs to Tracy. I wasn't doing a very good job and Tracy isn't awed, as I am, by Sikh history and tradition. She maintained that, at the end of the day, a violent protest had triumphed over the long-held tradition of free speech in Britain.
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And she was right. They were being arses. And I'm gutted to admit it.
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I don't believe for a second that we have anything like genuinely free speech in this country. It's easy enough to produce a play that dramatises a fictionalised rape in a Sikh temple but how easy would it be to stage a production based on the amusing fact that both Hitler AND Mussolini were committed vegetarians or that many of the founders and intellectual backers of the Nazi party were gay? Nope, there's an agenda out there and it's focussed very firmly on discrediting particular groups or social attitudes whilst, at the same time, even the mildest criticism of other particular groups or mindsets is strictly verbotten.
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But that's no excuse to start a fight.
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Those outraged Sikhs shouldn’t have launched a violent protest. Let's face it, the play was probably rubbish anyway. Most liberal 'entertainment' is. The Sikhs could have protested politely outside, canvassed theatre goers with leaflets and invited them to an open day in their local temple to see the truth of what their culture is all about.
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Nope they trashed the place. And threatened to trash it some more if they didn’t get their own way.
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I understand. I really do. As with many decent Muslims and Christians, Sikhs are grappling with a secular threat to their way of life. Maybe their culture isn't perfect, maybe there are some bad apples but they've taken a look at the secular, materialist alternative and don't like it very much. The very things that make them what they are are under attack from the soulless and materialistic forces that seek to turn us all into dumb, spiritually dead consumers. Sikhs have a proud religion and culture and some of them feel strongly that they should fight back against people taking cheap shots at that culture and trying to tear it down in the name of progress.
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I know how they feel.
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I feel the same way every day.
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A reading from the Gospel of Catch 22, Chapter 25, Verse 46 …

'What difference does that make?' Colonel Cathcart demanded, and then smiled amicably. 'Corporal Whitcomb brought me this basic form letter that takes care of just about every situation. Listen "Dear Mrs., Mr., Miss, or Mr and Mrs.: Words cannot express the deep personal grief I experienced when your husband, son, father or brother was killed, wounded or reported missing in action." And so on. I think that opening sentence sums up my sentiments exactly.

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Yup, truth is more twisted than fiction, or sometimes truth just borrows from twisted fiction. Even though Catch 22 was written in 1954, all you need to do to bring it bang up to date with 2004 is slap this at the end of Colonel Cathcart's letter …

And you’re away

Son' Dur' Com' Un' Sas'

Natural Wonders of New Zealand you won't see featured in any tourist brochure or The Lord of The Rings No.46: Limestone outcrop, Castle Rock, South Island

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I think my spam email is becoming increasingly tailored.
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A few days ago I wrote a blog about a local expression from my Mum's part of Italy:
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Son Dur Com Un Sas

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In my mum's region this expression means 'I'm tough like a stone'. In Milan, as I found to my cost, the same expresson means 'I have a rock hard erection'.
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So, I write the blog entry and next day I get this in my inbox:
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Enquire within for...Brand new TADA_LAFlL s0ftabs for R0CK l.NSTANT ERECTlON.S
Just put half a dose under your tongue 10 mins prior to desired time of play,for results that last all day long.
RRP price per dose: $19/dose
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Pay for erections!!? I'm due to turn 40 in a few months and I still have more erections that I know possibly know what to do with. It's been such a problem lately that I've been actually thinking about paying someone to take them away. Christ, if there are people out there really willing to pay $19 per boner they can have some of mine at a fraction of the cost. I need never work again.
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The weirdest s*** I thought of this weekend

Snow tiger, Leicester Square

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I'm a synchronicity bore. With tedious regularity I notice events in my life, often trivial events, that appear, to me, to be connected in some mysterious, non causal way.
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Today's example:
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We slept over on Saturday night at some friends' house. They provide food and lodging to a pair of huge, black Persian cats. The cats are brothers from the same litter. One of the cats is extremely friendly with people. The other spent the weekend upstairs, hiding from us.
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Round about lunchtime, I was chatting with one of our hosts about owning pets. I got onto one of my favourite subjects and I said …

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'I'd love to have some pets but we can’t manage it where we live. I think it's good to have other living things around us. It reminds us that life is diverse and special. Look at your cat. How can science explain where your cat came from? I really can’t believe it originated from a pool of lifeless mud. And why is it that your two cats are so different in personality? If they're so evolved wouldn’t they both be born with the same, best-adapted personality?'

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I have never discussed issues of creation and evolution with cats as an example before. I only mentioned cats because I was staring at one at the time. He was licking his own whatsit with great relish. I recall feeling jealous.
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A few hours later, we were back at home and watching a science documentary. A mathematician was discussing the origin of things. He said:

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'People say maths is difficult. I say no it's not. Maths is easy. What isn’t easy is a cat. Where do cats come from? Why do cats do what they do? Why do some cats come out different to each other?'

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The camera panned from the mathematician and zoomed in on a large, black, Persian cat.
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The program was not a repeat and I have never heard someone discussing issues of creation and evolution with cats as an example before; except for myself earlier that same day.
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This kind of synchronous coincidence happens to me with almost tedious regularity. The rate of occurrence even appears to be increasing. Most of the time I have witnesses, so I doubt that I'm mad.
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Earlier on this evening I sketched out a few possible explanations for what is going on; using the cat story as a specific example. So far I've come up with the following:
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1. Coincidence - possibly assisted by the fact that I talk about and consume media based on related topics
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Hark! Do I hear the sound of the God of Large Numbers riding into action yet again?
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Admittedly, I am witness to thousands of events each day and, arguably, over a period of a few days there's a good chance that any two of those thousands of events may appear to be related in some way, even though they're not. This phenomenon would be enhanced if I am particularly observant and selective in my memory.
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The God of Large Numbers would also point out that, in a global population of 6 billion people, on any single day, week or lifetime, one person will witness more coincidences than any of the others. From that person's perspective the whole World will appear to be driven by coincidence. From the perspective of the rest of us, his experiences will just be a statistical inevitability.
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I don’t buy this argument. My coincidences are too frequent and far too specific. I also sense that they have meaning and significance. It's just that I'm too stupid to understand what the meaning is.
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The God of Large Numbers is a terrible explanation for the World around us anyway. The God of Large Numbers could support the reality of a Virgin Birth or that one day, given enough time, I might find Chevvy Chase or Billy Connolly funny. Big Numbers are just science's way of blowing off stuff it cannot explain. Besides, what is there to lose by hypothesising that dumb coincidence isn’t at fault then seeing where further thought takes us? This approach was once referred to as having an open mind. Not a lot of open-minded thinking goes on these days. It started dying out roughly about the same time that Western Science finally vanquished, then supplanted, Institutional Religion.
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2. I subconsciously control and shape the Universe
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Too egotistical
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3. I can predict the future
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Certainly worth putting in the list but, in my experience, most of my synchronicities do not require knowledge of future events. They simply connect existing knowledge at a future point. For example, when I was talking about the cat the documentary about the cat had already been filmed.
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4. I can tap into existing knowledge through some, as yet, unrecognized medium
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Possible and worth following up.
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5. God / Zeus / Athena / My Guardian Angel / a mischievous Goblin or personal Daemon are winding me up for some reason
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Also possible and worth following up.
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6. I witness occasional screw-ups in the normally smooth-running Matrix that controls us all
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Already been covered in a movie. The sequels were terrible and I must therefore conclude that they do not relate to some fundamental truth.
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7. ???
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I've written about this subject before and still don’t have any answers. I'm planning to spend more time on this question and will probably need to drink a lot more alcohol than I am at present. The key factor to bear in mind, whilst mulling over this, is that I am not responsible for the fact that our friends own Persian cats or that Persian cats were mentioned in the documentary. From my perspective these are fixed factors over which I have no control. I did, however, connect these two pre-existing variables by making the comment that I did. I'll also throw in the fact that when making the comment I felt consciously uncomfortableat the time, as I had never considered cats as an example before. It was almost as if I was compelled to say what I did.
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It is conceivable that the contents of the TV documentary and my being with the cats today were DIRECTLY connected in some way and I only made the comment I did because I, in some subconscious way, became aware of the connection.
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This is getting a bit convoluted now but the point is that maybe, just maybe, what appear to be totally unconnected events may really be connected in some, as yet, totally unexpected fashion. If true, and someone cracks the nature of this connection, it is conceivable that a person could control World events without ever leaving the house. Like Chaos Theory but much, much freakier. The simple act of arranging cutlery in a certain way or watching a particular television program could affect the weather in Peru or the outcome of a coup in West Africa.
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How cool would that be?
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There's a novel in all of this somewhere.
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The same documentary that featured the cat also claimed that there were limiting physical factors to the capability of organic intelligence and that the next quantum leap in intelligence would come through the evolution of computers rather than organic brains.
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Yes, that old chestnut. It’s been repeated so often it's more or less accepted as being true. AI is the way to go baby.
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Wrong again.
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Even the most sophisticated contemporary supercomputer is fundamentally no different to those crappy little Sinclair DIY computers I first played with 25 years ago. Except for the provision for a stored program, they're not much different to a 3,000 year old abacus. They just work faster.
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For example, speech recognition and language translation software was rubbish 15 years ago. It's still rubbish now. The only way people will ever make that stuff work is by compiling colossal databases of every conceivable variation in language and tone of voice. The computers won’t be thinking any differently. They won’t be thinking at all. They'll just be accessing a shed load of data.
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The human brain, on the other hand, is much more adaptable and capable of improvement. What restricts our thinking is not the physical limitations of our brains' capacities. It's the limitation of the thought systems we impose on them. Want to restrict what your brain is capable of achieving? Easy, just accept the blind dictates of religion or science that tell you how to think and what to think. Just let a man in a white coat or silly robe tell you that THEY know what is, or isn't, possible. That should f*** up the most marvellous, potential-packed object in the Universe good and proper. That, or watching shag loads of reality TV.
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The God of Very Large Numbers

My glow in the dark Virgin Mary

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I went to Catholic schools. Mindful of the blow to its credibility caused by 500 years of scientific discovery, the Catholic Church is exceptionally careful about explaining gaps in scientific knowledge as being attributable to the Hand of God. Unlike the Catholic Church of the past, kids of my generation were not preached the Gospel of the God of the Gaps. Sensible advice. In future, the Church will absolutely not position itself in such a way that it would be discredited by any future scientific discoveries. The Catholic Church actually mildly endorses Big Bang Theory as it is in keeping with current scientific beliefs AND consistent with a Creative Event instigated by a Creator Being. Regardless of what many people choose to believe, the Catholic Church is surprisingly moderate and progressive on matters of science and sees science as the honourable task of seeking to understand the beauty of God's Creation.
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Born-again, fundamentalist Christians are a lot less cautious about their attitude to modern science and frequently choose to tackle modern scientific beliefs aggressively and head-on. Science has responded by developing its own fundamentalist belief system, the belief in the God of Very Large Numbers.
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The God of Very Large Numbers is an extremely potent deity indeed. Is evolution a particularly hard idea to swallow, backed as it is by a complete absence of hard, unequivocal evidence? Don’t worry, we have 4,500 million years to play with. Lots could have happened in 4,500 million years. Do some of the explanations of the formation of the Universe and its contents not quite add up? No problemmo, 14,500 million years is yours to fill with imaginative and unverifiable thoughts.
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For most of the history of geology and biology, the fundamental principle that all past events could be explained by reference to events that take place today held sway. This principle, the principle of Uniformitarianism, is intellectually dishonest rubbish and was only invented as a weapon against religious belief. Any events explained away by catastrophic Acts of God in the past could be dismissed as being unscientific because they could not be observed taking place today. Even though Uniformitarianism is fundamentalist scientific crap it was still taught when I was a University student in the 1980s and probably still is.
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Uniformitarianism is demonstrably nonsense because our very existence depends on a series of events that cannot be observed today; the creation of the universe, the formation of our solar system, the beginning of life, even evolution itself. None of these are supported by any hard, contemporary evidence. If anyone does spot the spontaneous creation of a new universe or life springing from inanimate matter please tell me. I'd love to know.
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(PS If any geologists came across this blog and take issue with my claim could they please write and tell me where on Earth limestone or evaporite beds are currently being formed or, failing that, a workable theoretical explanation for their formation. Yes. You've sketched it, You've hit it with your hammer. And No. You haven't the faintest blinking idea where it came from).
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Anyway, there was a program on television last night modestly titled 'What we still don’t know'. Apparently, the humble answer is not very much. We know how the universe formed, where life came from and why we are what we are today.
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There are a couple of flies in the ointment however.
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One of the biggest flies is that literally dozens of scientific constants appear to be fine-tuned to support our existence. This observation is known as The Anthropic Principle. If any of these constants; the force of gravity, the charges that bind atoms, were as little as 1% different we simply couldn’t exist. The traditional explanation from science was that if those constants weren't the way they were we wouldn’t be here to ponder about them. As explanations go this isn’t very useful but scientists embraced it, as the alternative was to acknowledge the existence of a Creator.
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Then someone discovered a new constant, the Cosmological Constant. The cheeky thing about the Cosmological Constant is that if it was different, either way, by as little as 10 to the power of minus 120 we wouldn’t be here. This means that, to all intents and purposes, it is pretty much impossible for the Universe to have been created at random.
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Oops, it was looking like science might have to accept the probability of a Creator after all. However, never fear, the God of Very Large Numbers is here.
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Last night's program explained that our Universe only appears to be fine-tuned for the existence of life because there are zillions of other universes to choose from. If you postulate a Multiverse packed full with an almost infinite number of universes then the existence of one fine-tuned universe isn’t remarkable at all. The very eminent scientists explaining the concept of a Multiverse talked about the concept as if it were a fact, largely because even though as an idea it's completely insane, the alternative is to recognise the probability of a Creator. Scientists would much prefer to make up lunatic crap rather than ever do that.
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Sadly for the cause of atheistic scientists, if they choose to make stuff up, Bill and Ted style, I can play the same game. I can just as validly postulate:

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'In a Multiverse filled with an almost infinite number of universes it is possible that, in another universe, a super intelligent life form has evolved. For purposes only known to that life form it has decided to model our universe and we are just constructs of an enormous computer simulation. This super intelligence is in fact our Creator'

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F***, we're back to the scientific possibility of God again.
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Of course, there's no way of proving my postulation but, of course, there's no way of proving the Multiverse theory, so they're equally valid.
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People have grappled with what is scientific and what is religious thinking for centuries. To date, our best definition of a scientific statement is a statement that is open to disproval by experiment. If I say something that is not open to be proved false then it's not science, it's a statement of faith. I could claim that our entire universe, complete with all our memories, was created 30 seconds ago. This statement might be very well true but, because it cannot be disproved, it is not scientific. On this definition, pretty much everything that constitutes modern, cutting-edge science, hitting documentary TV, popular science books and in-flight magazines is actually religious thinking. That includes Big Bang, The Multiverse, The Origin of Life and Evolution.
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Really.
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Think about the claim that we actually live in a Multiverse composed of a huge number of universes all governed by different physical laws and constants. How could we ever conceive of observing those other universes? We can't. We physically couldn’t be able to. This isn’t science
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it's bollocks.
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Stef plays the Race Card

Lower Marsh, London

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I haven't blogged for a few days now. There are a couple of reasons. Firstly, I've been struck with a wave of IT glitches. My PC has taken to locking up and, more insidiously, my Palm Pilot has acquired a loud, high pitched buzzing noise that, after only a few minutes use, leaves me with a headache and vulnerable to suggestion. The cure for the Palm Pilot issue was a tad surreal. After searching around on various forums I found that this is a common fault that is not acknowledged by the makers. In response to a forum suggestion, I downloaded a Palm Pilot system utility application which includes the following option in its preference dialogue:

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'Stop Annoying buzzing sound'

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I ticked the box and the noise went away immediately. It was that simple. This opens up a whole new vista of possibilities. Could it be that for all of life's problems there is a straightforward tick-box solution? The trick is, of course, finding it. Right now my PC sometimes decides to take 10 minutes loading-up applications. The PC has been intensively screened for viruses and such and is clean. We've all been here before. The fact is that somewhere, hidden amongst a baffling array of menus and sub-menus, there is an option entitled 'Randomly hang computer YES/NO'; only it won’t be called that exactly and there's no clue to where I can find it.

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But that's not the main reason why I haven’t blogged. I haven’t blogged because my mind has been filled with ugly, impure thoughts. Right wing thoughts.

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In themselves and properly managed, Right Wing thoughts are arguably positive things. When conceived in carefully controlled doses, Right Wing thinking adds spice to one's sense of humour and love life. In the words of PJ O'Rourke, no-one has ever fantasised about being taken roughly by someone dressed as a liberal.

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Consider this joke …

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What's the difference between a INSERT MINORITY GROUP OF YOUR CHOICE and a pizza?

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The pizza can feed a family of four
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or

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Why don't INSERT MINORITY GROUP OF YOUR CHOICE like blow jobs?

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INSERT MINORITY GROUP OF YOUR CHOICE don't like any kind of jobs

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Liberal humour just can’t compete, which is why comedy in the UK isn’t funny any more. Unless you find jokes about the cost of polenta in expensive West End restaurants or yet another tedious feminist routine about periods or eating too much chocolate to be particularly rib-tickling.

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However, if uncontrolled, Right Wing thoughts can become very ugly indeed. Whilst looking for details of a particular news story this week I came across some Ultra Right Wing US and European web sites. I didn't like what I saw. Not one little bit.

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The news story I was researching was about this year's British National Party Christmas party in Central London. Apparently, someone had accidentally booked a Black DJ and quite a few people walked out. However, a lot a people stayed and boogied on down. No-one said or did anything unpleasant to the DJ and they even removed potentially offensive material out of their speeches in case they upset him. The quote of the week came from the guy who hired the DJ, 'Well, he sounded White on the phone'.

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The BNP is having a difficult time at the moment as half the membership want to allow ethnic minorities to join and the other half don't, on the understandable basis that theirs is a White Supremacist party. Or is it? Apparently, an Indian guy is prosecuting the BNP for racial discrimination because they won’t let him become a member.

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Given that our No.1 fascist political party is currently debating whether or not to include ethnic minorities I find it hard, really hard, to be constantly told by the media that the UK is a racist country. .
The television and papers are full of it and there has been a noticeable 'spike' over the last week or so. The message is clear. Britain is institutionally racist and radical reform is needed. To help with the enormous task of keeping up with the almost infinite number of incidences of racial discrimination, various web sites have been established to report stories in real time as and when they occur. I particularly enjoy this page hosted by the Independent Race Refugee News Network

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http://www.irr.org.uk/london/

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The most recent story on that page opens with the line 'Afshin Azizian, 36, an Iranian asylum seeker who has been homeless in north London since his appeal failed 18 months ago, is refusing to cut his hair until the Home Office reconsiders his case' ...

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I also enjoy The Voice, 'Britains Best Black newspaper'. Their site is here:

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http://www.voice-online.net/index.php

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Strangely, for such an institutionally racist country, nobody has seen fit to publish or to read a magazine that proudly proclaims itself to be 'Britain's Best White newspaper'.

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I'm dwelling on these issues because on several occasions over the last few weeks I have witnessed Black guys giving my local Indian corner shop owner a very hard time indeed, apparently on the grounds that he's rich enough to have stock in his shop. This reminded me of an incident about five years ago when a black teenage boy and two girls forced themselves pass me into my parents' shop as I was leaving it. It was a Saturday afternoon and the shop was closed. They demanded to be served and I politely told them the shop was closed. The Black guy accused me of refusing to serve him because he was Black and he pushed his way to the back of the shop saying that he was looking for a knife so that he could 'cut me'. He then took off my glasses, jabbed his fingers an inch or so from my eye and insulted me.

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I learned a few things that afternoon. As well as myself, Tracy and a friend of mine were standing in the shop. We could more than easily have kicked the shit out of this little wanker but we were rooted to the spot. Why? Because we were afraid that we would be prosecuted. So, I stood there with this guy forcing his way onto private property, threatening me with a stabbing and committing technical assault. We edged him out in the end, mindful of the extreme need to avoid anything that could be construed or misrepresented as a blow.

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Why do I tell this story? Is it because I believe Blacks are worse behaved than other races? No, not particularly. My problem is that particular little twerp knew he had the edge on me and could, and did, behave appallingly. Or were his actions justified on the basis that I'm white and I deserve to put up with a little crap because of the sins of my race? Off the top of my head I am unaware of any plantation owners amongst my ancestors. Which is a shame as I wouldn’t have grown up in a tiny airless flat over a poxy sandwich bar in South London. Racist country? Balls. Anyone who genuinely believes that is more than welcome to try and find somewhere less racist. They won't.

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This week our Home Secretary, David Blunkett, resigned from his position. Lots of left-wing types have gone on the record to say good riddance to what they see as an exceptionally hard-line politician, who pursued a repressive policy on immigrants and ayslum seekers. And why did he resign? Because he was caught fast-tracking a visa application for his lover's Filipino nanny. Actually, it wasn't a visa, as described in the media, it was an 'Indefinite Leave to Remain' which is unlike any visa I've ever been issued with. The irony of a supposedly ultra-hardcore, right wing, anti-immigrant Home Secretary resigning because he arranged a bent visa for a Filipino has been lost on everybody. As stated previously, Lefties have no sense of humour whatsoever.

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A few months ago the newspapers were full of the story that the UK police force was stopping and searching a disproportionate number of Muslims in the search for Islamic terrorists in this country. Now call me silly but isn't that the idea? I personally believe that the scale of the terror risk has been wildly overstated for political reasons but, assuming that there is a significant Islamic terror threat, what sense would there be in questionning non-Muslims just to avoid accusations of racism? Once again, the story was reported without the slightest sense of irony or even common sense.

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Having said all that there's the story this week of a 38 year Latvian who was wounded with a screwdriver in Salford this week. Apparently he was attacked by a group of local youths because he was speaking Russian. That's not good. OK, Salford is a run down area and it's probable that the locals are resentful that, for some reason, what little they have to go round has to be shared with half of Eastern Europe but that's still no cause to stab someone.

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But is it accurate to describe an attack like that as being racist, as is being done in the papers? The victim was white. The attackers were white. When I think of the term racist, my understanding is that racism is based on a belief that people are inferior because of their genetic differences. Attacking someone because they have a different language or upbringing is culturalist behaviour, not racist. I'm not being pedantic. This deliberate confusion of race and culture issues serves a particular political agenda and obstructs honest consideration about what needs to be done to improve the situation, for everyone.

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The use of a screwdriver in this assault raises another interesting question. There has been much talk about the rise of knife crime in this country and there are rumblings that’s stricter laws against carrying knives will be introduced. At present it is illegal to carry a folding a blade longer than 3 inches and even smaller implements can be classed as offensive in certain circumstances. Many years ago, a guy I used to work with in a bar was arrested by the police in Russell Square. He was utterly off his face and was just a teensy weensy bit abusive to the police. On his person they found a 'waiter's friend'; a combined corkscrew and foil cutter. Even though it was a necessary tool for his job and the foil cutter blade was less than an inch long, he was still prosecuted for carrying an offensive weapon.

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So, the Government is thinking about banning knives. Presumably forks, screwdrivers, pens (Joe Pesci in Casino anyone?), pieces of string long enough to wrap around someone's neck, bricks, metal framed spectacles (Godfather III anyone?), camera flash units (give me one of those and a multi-tool and I can make something very naughty indeed in a few minutes) and banana skins will follow in due course. Yes, we'll all be eating pre-cut food with a spoon and writing in crayon but it'll be worth it. We'll all be safe at last.
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