Sunday, November 23, 2008

Beat the impending Economic Apocalypse with 2.5% off take-away pizza (for a limited time only)

You don't have to look very hard to see that British retailers are expecting a pretty awful Consumptionmas season this year

Every day both my physical and virtual mailboxes are stuffed full of 'We miss you. Here's a 5%/ 10%/ £5 off money voucher which expires in a month's time. Please do some shopping. Please. Because otherwise we're totally fucked. Go on. Please....'

(The reason why so many retailers are potentially fucked is that they have colossal debt obligations, either directly in the form of loan charges or indirectly through rent, and need to clear a certain amount of money every month just to keep their bankers happy. For every £1 spent on British retail a large chunk goes straight to the banks, a similar chunk goes to the government (and then to the banks) and the teensy weensy bit left over goes to some Shanghai sweatshop owner. This is how vibrant, sustainable, 21st century economies work apparently)


The UK government also appears to be about to get in on the act

When faced with the prospect of the greatest economic recession in a lifetime, the powers that be could have chosen to pour state-funded investment into great public works which would create real jobs and benefit future generations - solar powered personal jetpacks, a national maglev train network, fusion powered hydroponic food for all - or it could take the braver and more farsighted decision to spank all that money on some discount vouchers on imported crap instead

I'm delighted to say that it looks like the imported crap is going to win


According to the latest news from the Ministry of Official Speculation...


VAT cut mooted for recovery plan


A VAT cut could be at the centre of the pre-Budget report on Monday, according to widespread speculation.


Reports suggest VAT could drop by 2.5% to 15% as part of Alistair Darling's plan to revive the flagging economy.



My latest money off voucher from ebay - 2.5% more than on offer from UK plc but it expires a little sooner


Readers of Robert 'He is become Pure News' Peston's blog will already be aware that major VAT changes are in the works, as yesterday he wrote...




Robert Peston


Robert is indeed transparent

in the words of one adoring commentator...


"From that I think we can all read that Alistair Darling has already given you the lowdown on what he's planning and that this too shall come I to pass. Much like your blog a month or two ago where you said "This may be hubris, but I think the way to solve the problem would be for the Government to take large stakes in banks and be paid a very high rate of interest". And what do you know, a few days later this is what was announced. Not foresight on your part - more like insider information. This blog seems to be the Government's new leak machine of choice, where future policy decisions are "suggested" by Robert to sound out opinion and get people used to the idea. Robert does this for reasons of hubris, as he can then claim he had the idea first, even though it's no such thing."


Personally, it seems only fair that the business editor of the State Broadcasting Company should serve such a valuable public function

The fact that the UK government is about to evaporate billions of pounds (which will be added to the tab owed to the banksters) on a stunt that is so obviously destined to fail is, however, just a tad perplexing

If the current government isn't engaged in the final stages of a deliberate plan to destroy the UK economy that started way back in the reign of Thatchler, it continues to do a fucking good impression of one

.

44 comments:

Anonymous said...

the BBC is after all just another government dept,,full of mi5 mi6 employees and shady characters hanging around the BBC corridors

Stef said...

How anyone can slander an organisation which employs such obviously editorially independent and totally unspooky journalists as Frank Gardner and Mark Urban leaves me speechless

All you have to do is look into their warm, lively eyes and you just know they're on your side

Stef said...

Sad to say, there was a time, not so long ago, when a google search for 'Mark Urban' returned a link to a post on this blog saying how much of a deceitful twunt he was at the top of the results page

That's been fixed now

Anonymous said...

Stef, I know this is off the topic but what is your reaction to the wave of arrests\sackings of people found to be BNP members?

Stef said...

Fellow Conspiraloon Alliance charter member The Antagonist on the BNP stunt...

Propaganda Coups & PsyOps #101 - The BNP Member List

Stef said...

see also...

BNP Membership Leak. Fuhrer Furious

Stef said...

AFAIC the BNP is a legal organisation and any calls to defeat fascist/ racist ideology using the tools of repression simply the paves the way for and endorses the application of repressive tactics against other dissenting voices

The leaking of the BNP membership list stinks of a staged Op

As for the BNP itself, like every other fascistic/ nationalistic outfit before it, it exists as a device to distract the focus of people who often have legitimate grievances into blaming completely the wrong people for being the root cause of those grievances. Ordinary Jews in the 1930s. Ordinary Muslims in the 21st century

Personally, I'm not keen on wasting my time getting stuck into people daft enough or duped enough into becoming fascist foot soldiers when I believe that its the head of the beast people should be occupied with removing

Stef said...

I would however be prepared to make an exception to my principled stance if the arrests/ sackings were of people found to be New Labour party supporters/ members - they've got bucket loads more blood on their hands than any BNP activist

Anonymous said...

Does this VAT tax cut mean that it will cost thousands of pounds for small businesses to buy accountancy software updates? I'm thinking of stuff like Sage for anyone that uses it.

Stef said...

nope - all decent accounting software includes provision for slotting in different rates for different products

any change will, however, cause all sorts of confusion for many small business operators completing their returns - but that's OK as any costs to the State will be more than recouped in penalty charges

I can also confidently predict a huge upsurge in demand for small change, as goods currently priced to the nearest £ are repriced to include all sorts of new interesting fractions of a £

and, remember, as with all the most sensible financial incentives, the more you spend the more you save. If people start shopping really early each morning, weekends included, they might even be able to spend their way completely out of debt before Christmas...

Our government is the tool of Evil, wicked men

It is fucking us

Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear it Stef. Fortunately America has been blessed with new leadership: Obama says solar powered personal jetpacks for everyone! And its only a "down payment" on his larger domestic platform (talk about an overapt metaphor).

Nothing can possibly go wrong

Don't feel too down, we both know your gov. will think up something really clever soon enough.

Stef said...

apparently, what the world really needs right now is for the US to print more dollars...

Recession’s Grip Forces U.S. to Flood World With More Dollars

at this stage in the crisis, a catastrophic global toilet paper shortage is now virtually inevitable

Stef said...

am currently in the process of replenishing my personal levels of pessimism about just how bad this is all going to turn out, as my existing levels are almost spent

The Antagonist said...

Anonymous said...

the BBC is after all just another government dept,,full of mi5 mi6 employees and shady characters hanging around the BBC corridors

Stef said...

How anyone can slander an organisation which employs such obviously editorially independent and totally unspooky journalists as Frank Gardner and Mark Urban leaves me speechless

All you have to do is look into their warm, lively eyes and you just know they're on your side


The BBC is MI/1/2/3/4/5/6/7/8/9/10/11/12/13/14/15/16/17/18/19/20/21 and I claim my five pounds.

Much easier to get access to people and places on the basis of being a mere foreign correspondent / interviewer / reporter. Added bonus is that communications kits and crews are part of the package and magical multimedia reports are a breeze.

The clever bit is that most of them have no idea, because you'd never be able to keep a secret like that. Especially not if it was a 'very real' secret of unimaginable proportions.

Oh, wait, this isn't the Conspiraloon™ blog.

/goes off to shout at an empty bus stop

The Antagonist said...

apparently, what the world really needs right now is for the US to print more dollars...

People will need to burn something to keep warm.

Edo said...

On the subject of the BBC... If you caught last weeks episode of "Spooks" (who finished filming the current series in July) I was rather impressed by their timing and poignancy!!

Not impressed really, just quite pissed off that the majority of people will swallow shit like that.

not anonymous said...

Funny money/Monopoly money.
Nov. 24 (Bloomberg) -- The U.S. government is prepared to lend more than $7.4 trillion on behalf of American taxpayers, or half the value of everything produced in the nation last year, to rescue the financial system since the credit markets seized up 15 months ago.

The unprecedented pledge of funds includes $2.8 trillion already tapped by financial institutions in the biggest response to an economic emergency since the New Deal of the 1930s, according to data compiled by Bloomberg. The commitment dwarfs the only plan approved by lawmakers, the Treasury Department’s $700 billion Troubled Asset Relief Program.

Stef said...

@edo

nope I don't watch Spooks or any of the other glut of shows currently being trundled out to predicatively program the general population for what lies ahead

I'm happy with my existing programing

Ok, maybe happy's not quite the right word

Edo said...

@ Stef

I'm with you completely. I only watched it to get an idea of how far in advance of the current crisis the BBC would film and how accurately it would then play out.

Doesn't say much for the latest drama/predictive programme "Survivors"

Stef said...

fair dos

I used to watch the occasional example of those shows for similar reasons but, after a particularly heinous episode of '24', decided that it wasn't worth the toll it was taking on my blood pressure

The Antagonist said...

Stef, you would have loved the Spooks referred to. It pitched Finance Capitalism against State Power, with the underlying message that Finance Capital is what dictates to the State how things are going to run. (That's fascism, that's largely how it is, although the State plays its role too, and that's what we're dealing with.)

The clever twist, and I'll bet many will have seen it coming, was that the man behind the banking collapse was....

wait for it....

a Marxist
....

with Trostkyist revolutionary tendencies....

sponsored by the Russian Mafia!!!

So, as Spooks would have us believe, money / banks / global economies are fucked not because of Capitalists, Finance Capitalists and business interests that spend all day every day figuring out new and inventive ways to fuck everyone over, but by a cunning, lone, maverick Marxist!

Utter bollocks, but totally brilliant on so many Conspiraloon levels!

Stef said...

oh dear, someone's been plundering the G Edward Griffin back catalogue again

Stef said...

see also the Dennis Wheatley back catalogue where Dennis conclusively proved, time and again, that socialists, especially foreign socialists, were in fact fully paid up Devil worshipers

Anonymous said...

Never read any Dennis Wheatly but at the bottom of the link Dennis had this to say,

Socialist ‘planning’ forbids any man to kill his own sheep or pig, cut down his own tree, put up a wooden shelf in his own house, build a shack in his garden, and either buy or sell the great majority of commodities – without a permit. In fact, it makes all individual effort an offence against the state. Therefore, this Dictatorship of the Proletariat, instead of gradually improving the conditions in which the lower classes live, as has been the aim of all past governments, must result in reducing everyone outside the party machine to the level of the lowest, idlest and most incompetent worker.
[...]
It will be immensely difficult to break the stranglehold of the machine, but it can be done, little by little; the first step being the formation of secret groups of friends for free discussion. Then numbers of people can begin systematically to break small regulations, and so to larger ones with passive resistance by groups of people pledged to stand together – and eventually the boycotting, or ambushing and killing of unjust tyrannous officials."

not anonymous said...

All US Financials Will be Nationalized in a Year: Manager

http://www.cnbc.com/id/27835645

It's not preferable, but all major U.S. financial companies will eventually be under government control because the alternative is so much worse, Hugh Hendry, chief investment officer at hedge fund Eclectica Asset Management, said Friday.

not anonymous said...

more doom and gloom from Max Keiser.

http://www.youtube.com/watcv=PSTt3wEDSbU

Max Keiser on Obama's economic team - Ajazeera 24 November

paul said...

Re: small change

I remember when VAT went up to 17.5. Went down to the shops to buy a videotape (remember those?) that used to be 9.99, fully expecting (not really) for them to now be priced at 10.24. Imagine my "shock" at them being 10.99 instead.

not anonymous said...

Max Keiser link don´t work.

try this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PSTt3wEDSbU

not anonymous said...

Watch this video of Bush and Hank Paulson.Any body language experts out there?When I see Paulson something tells me that all is not well with that chap,,very strange behavior,,,he looks shit fuckin scared to me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GBQymqzgQ_M

Anonymous said...

"nope - all decent accounting software includes provision for slotting in different rates for different products"

Except for the crap I've got. Sage. Need to spend GBP 1k for the upgrade to cope with the change in VAT. The pittance is going to come in the middle of my financial quarter to boot.

All an extra cost burden for me.

Anonymous said...

re bodylanguage, yes i concur

paulson: shit fuckin scared
bush: giant douchebag

not anonymous said...

Paulson looks like a bad school boy,waiting nervously to see the headmaster!

When Bush gets Big Hank back to the Oval Office he will give Hank a big spank for being naughty.Hank will put on his school boy cap and shorts and big bad Bush will give him a caning for being a naught Treasury secretary.

Anonymous said...

Except for the crap I've got. Sage. Need to spend GBP 1k for the upgrade to cope with the change in VAT. The pittance is going to come in the middle of my financial quarter to boot.

All an extra cost burden for me.


No wonder people pirate software. Not that Sage is any good. Despite this, its so widely used that if I wanted to become an accountant I'd have to learn it, and the only way to do that is fork out the cost..

anon 22:41 said...

Yummy!!
As Gladio was mentioned in a previous post, the German secret services were so kind as to provide us with a fresh example.

Three German Spies Arrested Over Terror Attack In Kosovo

Anonymous said...

There's been a string of attacks this year on foreigners staying in the subcontinent (India and Pakistan), with the most recent resulting in hundreds of dead\wounded in Mumbai. I do wonder about the true motives for these...and just who is actually behind them.

The Antagonist said...

Richard Watson on Newsnight said there is "no proof" (repeatedly) but the attacks in India bear "the hallmarks of Al Qaeda".

Fake news report broadcast on 16th May, 2004 as part of Panorama's London Under Fabricated Terror Attack programme: "The Home Secretary has said the attacks bear the hallmark of Al-Qaeda".

7th July, 2005, "Foreign Secretary Jack Straw said the coordinated blasts in trains and a bus bore "the hallmarks of an al Qaeda-related attack"

Al Qaeda it is then.

LWTC247 on the subject of fake news.

not anonymous said...

Woolworths stores to close after Christmas
High street retail chain has debts of £385 million

I cannot take much more of this fuckin shit!!!

Woolworths a great British icon a symbol of stability and high street familiarity to go!!NO! NO!,,fuck last week I bought socks 4 pairs for 3.50!!the hight street will not be the same without Woolies.
Whats happening to the UK.10 years from now you won´t recognize the place.

Anonymous said...

MFI Britain’s biggest furniture retailer collapsed into administration last night for the second time in two months – putting more than 1,000 jobs at risk. About 26 stores will close immediately with the loss of about 260 jobs

M&S Marks & Spencer is thought to be planning at least two more “20 per cent off” sale days – December 4 and 11. Its first last week had queues at the tills in some areas – although many people were just window shopping

not anonymous said...

yes folks Mumbai the 911 of India!

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=Kr9Z01vuQz4

I found it amusing that some "witness" said that they were looking for people with British or American passports,,,"excuse me can we see your passports?,ah an American!stand over there to we shoot you!"

ok all those with Brit or American passports stand up till we shoot you!,,,surrrrre.

so India is a memeber of the 911 club now.
Let me see those Paki batards are to blame,ATTACK

Stef said...

The sub-section of the Conspiraloon Community which specialises in a Zionist-fixation will doubtlessly be keeping a close eye on the fate of one particular group of hostages

chabad lubavitch = kosher opus dei

Stef said...

Stef, you would have loved the Spooks referred to. It pitched Finance Capitalism against State Power, with the underlying message that Finance Capital is what dictates to the State how things are going to run. (

I was eating at a friend's house last night and his Mrs (the very opposite of a Loon) asked me if I'd seen Spooks this week

Surprised, I said no but that a few people had mentioned it to me and its interesting plotline focused on covert manipulation of finance capital in pursuit of ideology-driven geopolitical implosion

followed by a pregnant pause

It turns out that she'd asked me because it had been filmed in Surrey Quays shopping centre round the corner

Stef said...

although many people were just window shopping

why bother visiting the high street when you can window shop from the comfort of your own home on youtube

/ lame

The Antagonist said...

Thanks for posting that, Stef, a golden opportunity for a very early antagonista gag....

Ted Moult shot himself after a period of depression in 1986. I always maintained he committed suicide because the Everest feather really got up his nose.

I'll get my coat....

not anonymous said...

witness with a boot polished face.


witness with a boot polished face