Friday, November 16, 2007

Good Quotes from Shite Movies #427

The RMS Northern Wreck

Andrews: "Water, 14 feet above the keel in ten minutes, in the forepeak, in all three holds, and in boiler room six."

Ismay: "When can we get underway dammit?"

Andrews: "That's five compartments. She can stay afloat with the first four compartments breached. But not five. Not five. As she goes down by the head the water will spill over the tops of the bulkheads, at E Deck, from one to the next, back and back. There's no stopping it."

Smith: "The pumps, if we opened the pumps-"

Andrews: "The pumps buy you time, but minutes only. From this moment, no matter what we do, Titanic will founder."

Ismay: "But this ship can't sink!!"

"She's made of iron sir, I assure you, she can. And she will. It is a mathematical certainty."

"Oh, bugger..."

Not long to go now...

and anyone who likes to play the markets and who is not currently shorting Northern Rock, Alliance & Leicester or Bradford & Bingley really should think about taking up a new hobby

"Shhhh, don't tell anybody but we're fucked..."

and for anyone stuck for Christmas present ideas for their grannie may I suggest buying them a thermos flask and some sturdy queuing shoes

and it's great to see that the same team of high-class professionals who closed down Craig Murray's blog are working hard to ensure that a particularly greasy memo published on behalf of the Northern Rock board bragging how the British public will be obliged to shoulder the financial losses resulting from their incompetence won't see the light of day

Personally, I think the biggest problem many people have with comprehending this Northern Rock business, aside from the huge numbers involved, is that in their heart of hearts they still really, really don't want to face up to how bent their country is

And the answer is...

A lot



paul said...

Two of the options include selling Northern Rock’s assets and business to a buyer and leaving shareholders invested in a rump company which holds only the Bank of England loans.

Without the assets and business how does the rump handle its loans? This high finance lark is way over my head, no wonder those boys pay themselves so much.

schillings fan said...

The memo in question is currently available (for now) at the snapilly titled

and opens with...

"Blackbird is the UK's fastest growing mortgage company having grown residential mortgage assets by a CAGR of 22% to £77bn (2006) and underlying profit before tax by a CAGR of 16% to £588m (2006) since its conversion to a public company in 1997. During this time Blackbird increased its share of UK mortgage stock from 2.7% (31 December 1996) to 7.6% (30 June 2007) making it the UK's 5th mortgage lender by stock."

If only they hadn't used a codename then we'd be sure who they're talking about

Shutter said...

Rational argument convinces me the shares in NR are worthless and yet they still sell as we speak at an all time low of 133p.

Even if you were GIVEN the shares AND an incorruptible £30BN loan from the BOE forever, how can this crock of shit be made to pay?

Unless the intention is to pay say £500Mn. take the £30 Billion loan and do a runner with say £1 Bn.

...on second thoughts that sounds like it would get past a Government anxious to unload, a BOE who says NMP (Not my Problem) and an FSA who can't tell their arse from a hole in the ground.

How do your Register "Blackbird Extra Secure Home Loan Eazi Mortgage Guarantee Company (North East) Ltd" ?

I wonder iof anyone has Jeffrey Archer's telephone number ?

Stef said...

I fear that even Jeffrey's formidable, um, 'presentation' skills wouldn't be up to the task

If you're in a particular frame of mind The Northern Rock memo, especially the projections of future business volumes, is actually quite funny...

Stef said...

...and, yes, by any rational measure NR shares are worthless

the company is thinly capitalised and, in theory anyway, the shareholders should bear the brunt of any losses before anyone else

on top of that the company has clearly been insolvent for months and the shares shouldn't be traded at all, at any price

Adam J. Appletize seems to agree with this analysis...

of course, you'd be playing a mug's game solely blaming Adam for the fuckup when there are undoubtedly larger, darker and smarter forces at play on a much wider stage but, nevertheless, he's still a twat

Anonymous said...

Two points: 1) a link to a 19 page pdf document from the BoE showing historical interest rates on page 1. A reminder of the incredibly unusual conditions we're in at the moment with regard to fiat currencies. 2)Cheap Food Policy - the money used to shore up N-Rock could be used in cutting fuel duty, which would make food cheaper for us all.

lwtc247 said...

Apple head has gone!
Long live the Apple head!

But Damn! No more Jerry Anderson creations to deliver much needed amusement in this dark and creepy world.

Just hope the replacement proves equally as 'satirically targetable'

Tony said...

Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly...

Tony said...

And something for the lover of symbols from the same website. Do I hear "Freemason"? Anybody?

Stef said...

nice pyramid...

Stef said...

... you were only waiting for this moment to arise