Sunday, August 14, 2005

Weapon of Choice


The planned follow-up to the last post can wait. I have just seen something much more interesting.

Thanks to Postman Patel for giving me the heads up on the incredible news that Chris Walken is planning to stand for US President in 2008.

Yes, that Chris Walken…

For a man such as myself who is always complaining that the politics of decency lacks suitably charismatic, hardcore figureheads this is fucking stupendous.

Count me in. I’m going to sign-up for the next Green Card lottery just for the outside chance that I may have the opportunity to vote for him.

Are you excited? I am.

The prospect of Walken running for the presidency also excites the movie buff in me, as well my political side.

We can now all spend the next couple of years picking Walken’s ‘Dream Team’ cabinet of Hollywood actors and, best of all, which of their characters they will get to reprise when in office.

Would Walken resurrect his character from the Dead Zone; capable of foreseeing World leaders’ futures just by shaking their hands and then being morally obliged to kill them personally if their destiny is to start nuclear war? Or would he go for something a little lighter, like his routinue in Moby’s Weapon of Choice video and dance his way through his term?

I favour Dennis Hopper for Defence Secretary, but which Dennis Hopper? Easy Rider Hopper? Blue Velvet Hopper or how about Apocalypse Now Hopper? That would liven up those televised press conferences…

Hey, man, you don't talk to the Colonel. You listen to him. The man's enlarged my mind. He's a poet-warrior in the classic sense. I mean sometimes he'll, uh, well, you'll say hello to him, right? And he'll just walk right by you, and he won't even notice you. And suddenly he'll grab you, and he'll throw you in a corner, and he'll say do you know that "if" is the middle word in life? If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you, if you can trust yourself when all men doubt you - I mean I'm no, I can't - I'm a little man, I'm a little man, he's, he's a great man. I should have been a pair of ragged claws scuttling across floors of silent seas...

Or how about

This is the way the fucking world ends. Look at this fucking shit we're in, man. Not with a bang, a whimper. And with a whimper I'm fucking splitting, Jack!

I’m still tossing up whether to make John Malkovich or Steven Seagal Secretary of State. Seagal may seem like a surprising candidate but he's become very spiritual and environmentally aware. Most of his later films feature him chanting mantras then destroying oil pipelines and toxic waste dumps, usually by sitting on them. Part Bruce Lee, part Dali Lama, part Stay Puffed Marshmallow Man. He'd be a valuable addition to the team.

Uma Thurman for Vice President, obviously, on the basis that Walken's would be an equal opportunity administration and she’s hot.


Pete Ashton said...

This SO has to be a hoax but I really hope it isn't.

Stef said...

Yes, I share your doubts, but what if it were true ... *sigh*