The weird cat city of Gattalogna, Alghero
So, Ian blew me out on getting together for a photo walk around London yesterday (Ian, there's a Colombian murder squad waiting outside your flat on mopeds this morning - I suggest you dress differently for a couple of days).
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The day wasn't a complete wash-out as Sylviane was over from Italy for a couple of days and we had a drink in a pub on the fashionable Lower Marsh, round the back of Waterloo Station (amazing that a place name that is now hundreds of years old can still be so appropriate)
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Once the first drink had cut in we got onto the subject of moral and spiritual vacuums. Living in the UK in the 21st century, moral and spiritual vacuums are an inevitable topic of conversation, particularly in the run up to Christmas. Over the last 20 years the UK has effectively become one great big shop. We currently house over 40% of ALL of Europe's retail space and those shops rely heavily on a commercialised Christmas to balance their books.
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This year, as with every year, the TV is full of stories about how Christmas sales are down this year. In two weeks time we will then be treated to the annual follow-up stories that there has been a rush in the shops and that sales are looking healthy. How this particular form of media manipulation benefits the retailers I'm not quite sure but, nevertheless, it is repeated year on year.
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So, there we are in the bar talking about just how selfish, soul-less and secular the UK is compared to every other country we've ever visited and, between us, we've visited a few.
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Sylviane is a non-practising Catholic who rejects most of the 'factual' components of Catholicism but likes the idea of a set of moral rules that people can follow for guidance. She points out that the British strain of Christianity is so loose and permissive that it effectively means nothing and that's why, in comparison with countries with stricter institutional religions; Catholicism, Islam, Judaism, Evangelical Christianity, Britain is so 'lost' when it comes to issues of morality or even a sense of purpose in individual lives.
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I have some sympathy with this point of view. British people are clearly unhappy. They load up on retail junk, drink a lot, play with their picture phones and go on Ryanair weekends. None of this seems to cheer them up very much. As a nation we look miserable, shout at each other and generally don’t like to think or discuss what it is we're doing with our lives.
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In spite of all the advances we've made we're arguably spiritually less happy than the 13th century peasants who willingly built the great cathedrals that still stand in many of our cities. We like to kid ourselves that we live in an enlightened age but you don't build something as beautiful, or as well, as a cathedral with oppressed, fearful labour. If survival of the human race depended on demonstrating what it was architecturally and spiritually capable of I'd suggest that it's more likely something like 17th century St Paul's Cathedral would figure in the short-list, rather than a 21st century high street branch of Dixons, or Tescos, or Starbucks.
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We've lost something. Something very important. The problem is, and this is the problem that I am really keen to address in a financially rewarding way, is that there really are inadequate choices out there. I would argue that most people have an innate sense of spirituality, destiny and purpose. However, they are not equipped to deal with those feelings. Admittedly, we could all sit in caves contemplating such questions and come up with our own solutions but in a world of 6 billion people that's not really practical. What we would all like is some ready made answers and a suggested framework in which we can live our lives. You currently have three options:
- Belief in a Godless, mechanistic universe where we are the product of physical forces and blind chance
- Organised religions that rely on books of laws written 1,200 - 5,000 years ago
- Fringe beliefs, cults, faith in healing crystals, UFOs, all that stuff
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And then there are the market leaders; Christianity, Judaism, Islam. All three start off well but then spoil the party by demanding that you believe in some really bizarre material before you are entitled to a full invite. OK, there's Moses, Elijah, Mr M. or Mr J. standing on a mountain talking to our Creator …
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Prophet: ' ... Thank you Lord. Just to recap on your instructions . We must live compassionate lives in keeping with our God-given sense of conscience. Thanks for that by the way, nice present. We must care for those around us. Treat all of Your Creation with love and respect. That way, we as individuals will grow and mature and our souls will be prepared for the next life'
God: 'Yes. Nicely summarised'
Prophet: 'Is there anything else?'
God: 'Don't eat pork. I hate that stuff'
Prophet: 'Umm, OK. You're the Boss'
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God: 'And, you know that extra piece of skin I gave you?
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Prophet: 'Yes'
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God: 'That's got to come off. Take it right off. And you can't eat that either. Not in a bread roll or in a pastry case or any other way you can think of. Believe me, it tastes far too porky. I'm not sure about my position on Bacon Bits yet. I'll keep you posted.'
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Prophet: 'Righty poopy. Just give me a second to get this all down. It's quite hard using this chisel with a tablet of stone propped up on one thigh. By the way, can we still chain smoke nasty cigrarettes and drink shag loads of sediment-laden coffee?'
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God: 'No problemmo'
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Prophet: 'You giveth and you taketh away. You're da Man Lord'
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God: 'Damn right I am. Where was I? ... No lager … eat fish on Fridays … and while we're at it, I want you all to wear hats and grow beards. I have created a universe with rainbows, sunsets, naked ladies and butterflies but, do you know what? I've decided that some really silly hats and frizzy beards would cap it all nicely'
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Prophet: 'Nice one Oh Lord'
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God: 'Yes, I thought so'
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Etc etc
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One of the strangest aspects of religious faith to non believers is the way religious people apparently lap up silly rules. Catholics have to believe that they are physically drinking the blood of Christ at communion and other faiths blindly believe that God has an on-going problem with pork pies and bacon sandwiches.
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In fact, daft rules are an integral part of any successful religion. The sillier the better. Adoption of silly rules is the entry price to a belief system that certain spiritually hungry people are willing to, want to, pay. 'If it ain't hurting it ain't working'. All successful modern cults accept this principle and expect their adherents to buy into some really whacked-out articles of faith.
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That is why the big religions haven’t dropped some of their sillier rules. Their leaders know that many of their laws are out-dated but still serve a useful purpose when initiating believers and binding them together in a shared belief system It’s a brand loyalty, brand distinction thing.
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Many of the more peculiar dietary and sanitary requirements of Christianity, Judaism and Islam made a lot of sense in their day and are suited to people living a low-tech, desert lifestyle. Pork, for example, if not properly handled is prone to all sorts of unpleasant parasites and can make you very sick indeed. Drinking alcohol in a hot, arid climate is never a very good idea. But times have moved on and these rules need changing. Pork, when properly handled, is no worse for you than other meats and moderate quantities of alcohol can be consumed safely in air-conditioned environments. Peculiarly, the circumcision requirement probably can stay. With the invention of underpants and pharmaceutical creams we don't need that particle male accessory anymore and it does act as a trap for infections. Plus, 'cut' looks neater. However, many of the other requirements are in desperate need of a make-over.
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Presumably God was working on the assumption that he gave us enough intelligence to figure out when some of the non spiritual aspects to his teachings would be in neeed of revision. He's probably looking down on us right now; bemused by the fact that large numbers of us are still denying ourselves full cooked breakfasts and not using lavatory seats; in keeping with customs and practices of desert nomads from 700AD.
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It is time to throw out the old rules and bring in some that are more in tune with 21st century lifestyles …
- thou shalt not get drunk on Martini, Pernod or straight Scotch
- thou shalt not mix thine drinks
- thou shalt eat before getting lashed. If solid food is not available thou shalt line thine stomach with a pint of milk beforehand
- thou shalt not super-size thine meals
- thou shalt go easy on the Nutrasweet
- thou shalt eat at least three portions of fresh vegetables every day
- thou shalt not covet thine neighbour's BMV or sound system
- thou shalt not eat cheap sausages
- a little of what you fancy does you good
- murder or being naughty generally is still a no no
- thou shalt not fly Ryanair
2 comments:
I'm glad someone else has not only seen through all the sad alternatives and rules both religion and materialism present us with, and explained it so well and so humorously. And though materialism wins my vote, I hope I'm proved wrong one day as it's dull and hopeless!
Thanks for your kind words
And fret not. I am working on an alternative which will be presented on this blog as soon as I come up with it
... might take a while though
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