It is my personal l contention that the entire UK economy is sham and is only driven by the last few dribbles of North Sea oil and our record levels of personal debt, which passed £1,000,000,000,000 earlier in the year (£1,004,290,000,000 actually). The financial services industry tells us that this figure isn't as scary as it seems, as 80% is secured against houses. Well, that's alright then, it's not as if house prices fall or anything like that.
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We don't make anything in the UK any more and we don't do anything that other people want to pay for. Unemployment levels are at historical lows but that is only due to the creation of a few million unsustainable jobs in national and local government or off the back of a LOT of new, and breathtakingly pointless, regulation.
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Sooner or later this colossal bubble will explode. I reckon in 2-3 years time, and I for one want to be far away, have sold my flat and banked the proceeds in Swiss Francs. I am certain that a ghastly, ghastly economic depression will overtake the UK and it is poorly equipped to claw back out of it when it happens. I just cannot see the Southeast Asians supplying us with consumer electronics or the 3rd World sending us food in exchange for parking tickets and diversity consultants. You heard about it here first.
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The reason why I've made this post is because a friend is currently hosting Management Consultants in his office and sent me an email about it. This afternoon he is looking forward to:
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"Sarbanes Oxley Spreadsheet Naming System Integrity Assurance"
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Someone is coming to talk to the staff later about what they have called their spreadsheets.
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Even after fifteen cynical years in the world of accounting and finance, I am awed that somebody has the audacity to make a living doing this. Hopefully, my friend and his co-wokers will head-butt the consultants unconscious and throw their insensible bodies down a lift shaft. No-one would miss them.
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PS My friend has just emailed me the following ...
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'don't forget to mention corporately de-selected people with funny shaped heads and bodies, flown in from America, overcompensating for their visually-broadcast deficencies by intensified self-importance.'
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He's been in the company of management consultants for far too long. Time to get head-butting mate. I recommended Bob Hoskins' technique in The Long Good Friday. A broken vodka bottle also helps.
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