Christian Battle Tactics

Ayad Allawi eating breakfast. Tony Soprano meeting with some greaseball politician

Have been pondering the results of the US Presidential Election further over the last few days. Gradually, the truth has dawned on me. The Americans didn’t reject Kerry because he spoke French or because they disagreed with his policies. No, unlike more jaded Europeans, they voted not on policies or the personal qualities of the candidates. They voted on morality. George Bush is a proclaimed Christian and, as a Christian, people they knew how George Bush would deal with issues, present and future. He would follow the teachings of Christ.
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Yes, George Bush starts every day and tackles each new problem by thinking 'What would Jesus Do?'. Take Fallujah for example. Faced with thousands of people revolting against occupation and suppression of their deeply held faith in the same God as Jews and Christians, does anyone doubt that Jesus would subject them to four weeks of airstrikes, followed by a massive armoured ground assault, supported by artillery and gunships.
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Yup, Jesus would be there dressed in a Seventh Cavalry uniform directing napalm strikes from a command helicopter; all thoughts of loving thy neighbour and turning the other cheek lost in the glorious heat of battle.
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Or would he?
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The history of the 20th Century has taught us time and time again that conventional armies, however powerful, are only capable of defeating other conventional armies. In situations where armies are pitched against unconventional forces or a whole population they haven't got a hope. Unless they are prepared to kill every last living thing. Even civilians initially indifferent to the presence of an occupying army will become violently opposed, once their family members or neighbours who did resist are killed. Gandhi understood this, Ho Chi Min understood this, Martin Luther King Understood this.
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A friend recently forwarded me an email I wrote him two years ago. In that email I explained how the Americans would defeat Iraq's conventional forces within a week or two then settle down to a bloody occupation that they would eventually lose, before withdrawing as a shamed and defeated army. I was certain of this because this is what ALWAYS happens when pitching large, conventional armies against civilians populations; particularly those united by a strong faith either in religion or a national identity.
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Apparently the concept of suicide bombers came as a surprise to the American leadership and, we are told, is the unique result of Muslim fanatacism. Mmmm, Beirut in 1982? The Tet Offensive in Vietnam 1968? Kamikazes in 1944/45? Does any of that ring a bell? Drive a proud people to the point of desperation with overwhelming conventional military force and the results will always be the same. (Curiously, when American or British servicemen sacrifice their lives in battle they stand a good chance of picking up a Congressional Medal of Honour or Victoria Cross and are not usually written-off as being mindless fanatics).
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I know, the AMERICAN MILTARY KNOWS that direct assaults on civilian populations based on scenes from Apocalypse Now will not work. If anything they will inspire an increase in insurgent activity.
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Besides, it's not Christian.
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Early Christians chose death rather than war. The Romans persecuted Christians specifically because they refused to do military service. Even when they later became the persecutors, Christian leaders would strangle or burn their victims rather than go against Christ's instructions not to spill blood (aren’t lawyers wonderful).
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So, if Jesus Christ were commander in chief of US armed forces what tactics would he really employ?
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Picture lines of landing craft hitting a target country's beaches. The ramps would drop and wave after wave of Christian assault troops would pour out. Dressed in simple white robes and unarmed except for flowers, samples of their home baking and Ferraro Rocher Gift boxes they would walk towards the opposition smiling and singing. Presumably, the enemy would fire back. The first waves of Christian assault troops would fall with smiles on their faces; their Business Class check-in to Heaven assured, their souls would be sitting at the Right Hand of the Father before their bodies had even hit the ground. The enemy would keep firing. More Christians would fall and be replaced by successive waves. The enemies guns would overheat and jam, they would run out of ammunition, their lions will have gorged themselves to a stupor and still, having absorbed all the hate and death their enemies and their weapons could hurl at them, the Christians would march on. Eventually, sickened by the carnage, awed by the loving faith of their attackers and shamed by their own behaviour the enemies would throw down their weapons, embrace their Christian brothers and eat cake.
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It would be all over before breakfast.
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That's what Jesus would do.
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That's why I'm not a practising Christian. It asks a lot in terms of belief and potential sacrifice. That's why I can be 100% sure that George Bush, Tony Blair and all the other 'Christian' neocons are lying, hypocritical, murdering and blaspheming scum. They better hope there is no such thing as a Christian Hell or an even a Muslim Hell come to think of it.
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Religion is not the cause of the World's ills. However, perversion of religion by wicked men IS responsible for a lot of the f*cked stuff taking place around us.